What Would Ryan Lochte Do? - Photo Recap: I Am Swimming
The fourth episode of E!'s What Would Ryan Lochte Do? saw an interesting turn in Lochte's love life. The woman formerly known as "Does this work with everybody?" returned to tickle the fancy of Ryan's heart. Who'd have thought the breakout star of episode one was actually a key player in Lochte's life? In fact this Chantae McMillan character is a fellow Olympian, and an honorary member of the Lochterage. The episode also included the funeral proceedings of the Lochte family scooter, the return of The Jumping Banana (in spirit), and torture by hair removal.
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What a great place to begin our photo recap! It's difficult to tell from the screencap above, but any day can be Christmas with Ryan Lochte! Just check out that festive vest.
Meanwhile, brother Devon was busy facing his own challenge. Who could forget The Jumping Banana? The supervillain of Lochte's life responsible for stealing our hero's thoughts in the most inopportune of moments. Obviously he's paid by the producers. The Jumping Banana had clearly poisoned Devon's mind as well, forcing him to down several of his banana brothers before chugging Sprite. The result: instant vomit!
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Is this fun?
One thing the producers can count on is that entertaining footage will materialize when they invade Ryan Lochte's space as much as humanly possible. I give you the worst alarm clock ever! 5a.m. Lochte! Rise and grind.
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Do we find this entertaining? Lochte wondered as he brushed his teeth like normal people do. That's not entertaining, but what footage could the show possibly get during Lochte's alone time pre-sunrise if they're not harassing him in the bathroom? Also, did anyone else notice Lochte's "I Am Swimming" shirt. I found myself pondering what the meaning behind the phrase was. Was he trying to say that he owned the sport? He's that good? I mean, he kind of is. On the other hand, maybe he was trying to tell us that he was, in fact, actually swimming while brushing his chompers. Swimming without a pool? Ryan Lochte can do anything!
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Lochte is a gamer, apparently. Do they make swimming video games? Maybe he's playing Skylanders. Anyway, Lochte had his epiphany at this moment. He'd focus his clothing line dreams on baby threads. Why? Who doesn't loathe the awful fashion sense of infants! They obviously need help! Seriously though, the guy designed a pair of sneakers infused with Beanie Baby bears. I'm thinking this is a good idea because parents dress their kids up in ridiculous costumes anyway. A cousin of mine dresses his kid in a baby bear suit from Old Navy. I think to myself, "That's a little bizarre." Then I remember, I'm the one who bought it.
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Ryan's drink of choice is peach Ciroc. Somehow, someway, that makes absolute sense.
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More importantly, does this girl look familiar?
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Probably not at all, but now check this out:
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"Does this work with everybody?" is back, group. She's back, and just like that, who's Jaimee? I remember an accent. Lochte has admittedly always felt chemistry with Chantae, and maybe it was time he started thinking about things more seriously.
In other news, Ryan Lochte can drink fire.
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But the side effects:
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Devastating. Plus, he butt tweeted. At least his butt managed to spell the word "dope" after accessing the Twitter app behind Lochte's back. It's like it had an agenda!
This is the Lochte Family Scooter, Devon's true love:
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Honestly, the kid looked super upset to send his buddy off to the scrap heap to the tune of "Amazing Grace." Couldn't they have just left it in the garage for old time's sake? Does the garage have room for a whopping two scooters? Apparently not.
Gene suggested that Lochte get a plaster mold done of himself after the bar owner of the Lochterage's usual hotspot asked for some Lochte memorabilia to spruce up the joint. In other words, "I'd like to reap the benefits of all of the free peach Ciroc you're downing, so pony up."
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Thoughts?
Lochte's assistant Gene looks like Kevin Hart. The man administering the plastering looked like Taylor, mayor of Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls.
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Things seemed to be going well, until the artist(?) dumped a ton of goop onto Lochte's chest. The team had decided to just go with the famous Lochte abs. As Lochte put it:
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All is well that ends well, but this scene ended with plaster ripping the hair out from underneath Ryan's arm. That's the price you pay for getting plastered.
While the plaster dries, who wants to see an epic trick?
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You do of course. I appreciate Lochte's absolute disregard for the number one rule of reality television. You do not break the fourth wall. I guess if I had a camera crew breaking into my house at 5a.m. every morning, I would turn to my future audience for support too. I honestly think there's a possibility the crew literally says, "Let's just break in, he won't care. Intern, shimmy through the window and unlock the door."
Suspense and drama ahead!
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The crew, Chantae in tow, decided to try out zip lining for a change. Why swim or run when you can fly, people? Here's the thing with Olympians, a tiny bit of competition rears its ugly head and they go from this:
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To this:
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That's the face of a warrior!
How about a little victory romance?
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Romance? No, #Romance.
I repeat:
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Before we knew it, Lochte was one Michael Jackson impression away from the big reveal of his plaster abs.
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In the end, Ryan was certain that he wasn't into looking at all of that "him" while he continued to prove himself as the Lochterage's best dancer.
What can he say?
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What did all of you think of this week's episode of What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Sound off in the comments below or tweet me (@JoeTranch) your reactions! Lochtenation is the greatest fan base of all time!
Thanks for reading my Photo Recap and Review of What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Episode 4!