What Would Ryan Lochte Do? - Finale Photo Recap: Neah to Jeah
What Would Ryan Lochte Do? closed out its first season of reality wackiness tonight with a two-part finale extravaganza! Episodes 7 and 8 brought the visual absurdity the casual viewer has become accustomed to and enough emotional moments between Ryan and his Lochterage to please his hardcore fans. Is this the end for Ryan Lochte's career as a budding reality star? Who knows, really. Being an Olympian is one thing, obviously, but being on an E! reality series is all that matters in the world! Right, Kim K.? (I'm toying with the idea of a Keeping Up With the Kardashians photo recap in this style!) Who wants to deal with boring old swimming when you can have icing on your face or chase around a dog in a thong? Also, Ryan Lochte on an aquatic jetpack, hibachi with Chantae following mere moments after the scariest thing I've ever seen (Kristin meeting Ryan's new love interest), and a baby named Zaydin.
Okay, before we start the recap, here's the deal. #1: My apologies for the ugly watermark stamping all of the photos this week. I wish I could give you guys straight-up awesome screenshots, but I've noticed too many people swiping my images for their own photo recaps. #2: Did anyone else have DVR troubles with part 2? I was originally planning on doing two separate recaps, but midway through snapping my first set of shots, I realized my DVR had neglected to record the second show! A friend had the same issue. Basically, I only nabbed a few shots from the beginning of the Spring Break trip, but I'll try to catch a rerun and update. Jeah? Jeah.
One last time, let's turn… it… up!
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Spoiler alert: The grill is lost forever. Should I just press "post" now? Is anything else important? Alas, I shall carry on. The Lochte Edge has rubbed off on me.
Part 1 of the finale, episode 7 (…For His Brother), saw Lochte caught between a move out to Los Angeles and staying close to home.
For the second episode in a row, wing addiction! The boys know how to pick a chicken wing clean, huh? Lochte brought up L.A. only to look across the table at a distraught Devon. He even stopped chewing his wing for a bit.
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Honestly, looking at the screenshot below, it tells the story well. However, watching the episode in live action, I thought to myself, "I think he's just really into his fries, Ryan."
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Ryan Lochte worked out again this week. I feel like a running theme has been that Ryan's routines are slipping since the show started filming, yet, I find myself exhausted just from the sight of, say, this:
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Plus, to make matters worse, Ryan's trainer has him workout in what looks to be some sort of athletic turtleneck, which is a personal nightmare of mine.
In the end, any pain is worth the gain when said gain is the chance to recreate one of the most iconic album covers of all time, right? If Ryan Lochte had been an actual member of Nirvana, he would have been the Nirvana baby.
Ryan Lochte has underwater tea parties just like the rest of us!
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By the way, who is this:
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Of course, those aren't my images. They're just photos of photos, but you can see the actual set at ESPN HERE if you're interested!
Did anyone else notice that it looked as though someone styled Lochte's hair before he dove in?
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Anyway, all work and no play makes Ryan Lochte feel uncomfortable. Is this What Would Michael Phelps Do? No, it isn't. (P.S.- Michael Phelps if you're reading this, than I'm just kidding and you're great. If you're not, then… Well, why aren't you reading my recaps? So busy.)
So Ryan Lochte's nephew is named Zaydin. A name that belongs somewhere in Greek mythology, but look at him!
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Okay, so I was trying to make it seem like I merely grabbed that shot for sheer cuteness value. Recaps always benefit from the support of a cute baby, but in all honesty, I desperately needed to remember the name.
Onward to a few laps around the roller rink, or what unraveled into utter chaos and unorganized roller derby madness.
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Close enough, I guess.
Of course, Kristin Lochte was on hand to rip Lochte a new one following the revelation that he'd officially split (Not that they were dating.) from Jaimee. At first, I thought Ryan was kidding about how controlling she was over his dating life, but there were moments this week were I actually felt a little scared! Intimidated, at least. Screenshots of Kristin were too terrifying so here are Ryan's imitations of her reactions.
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Lochte's entire clan decided to crash his date with Chantae. Well, they at least insisted on crashing the pick-up portion. I loved Chantae's initial "Wow… it's a party in here..." reaction to the crowd.
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*Insert terrifying screenshots of Kristin interrogating Chantae alone featuring gems of questions such as the ever important "How many uncles do you have?*
Chantae did not pass the test. No British accent, of course. Also, what's gone unsaid is that Jaimee kind of dumped Ryan, right?
You know hibachi is actually not a bad date idea, if you can score a solo table. If things get awkward, and they always do on this show, there's a talented Japanese chef putting on a show with yummy food.
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What I took away from this: Both want lots of kids. Kids all around. It's looking more like kids with other people, though. At least, for the time being. The Lochterage friend zone is unfortunate.
Later, the family would share a meal together, and conversation quickly turned to Ryan's impending move to L.A. and how it reflected a complete lack of love for his family. Well, at least to the ladies. Devon was enjoying his sandwich. Not one to let the score go unsettled, Lochte paid brother Devon back for spilling the beans by revealing his reinvigorated love for swimming.
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The perfect excuse to shamelessly keep Ryan locked down in Florida or just a nice suggestion to stay and train his brother? You make the call!
The training session that followed was a nice moment, in any case, if you ask me. It was an amazing moment because of Devon's swim cap.
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Yep, that is him.
Also, we knew Ryan would never be able to resist this shenanigan.
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To christen Devon's return to the sport, Lochte flag jumping would commence!
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I love how Ryan mentioned that he doesn't always make it over the line of flags. Meaning, the entire contraption holding it up must be dragged into the water.
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I wish I could say that the final scene between the two, when Ryan shared his newfound pride in his little bro, was experienced as a purely heartfelt moment; however, public jacuzzis give me the heebie-jeebies, and that one looked dank. Still, the dream of swimming side-by-side lives on!
The first part of the finale closed with Ryan's final decision regarding Los Angeles. He'd stay to see Devon complete college before heading out West.
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"Dog Stylist of the Year" award goes to Gene, apparently. (But, why, Gene?)
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I wish episode 7 could have closed there, but we weren't so lucky. Check it out:
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I'm devastated.
Remember, here's where things got a little fuzzy for me. I shall attempt to make edits later on. Lochte and his friends headed out to Miami for Spring Break at the start of episode 8.
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Gene and his lady-friend had been growing closer, as of late. It was seeming more and more like wedding bells would be ringing in the near future. Kill two birds with one jeah, I always say. Makeshift early bachelor party?
First, whoever hooked Ryan Lochte up to a jetpack was asking for it. Gene, on the other hand, took to the water like a total grandma before shaping up to be quite good!
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What a proud Ryan Lochte.
Three bars would suffice for the close to the boys' wild trip, but first, a pre-game session where The Lochterage would do their best to "turn it up!"
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Cutting loose involved a Miami friend of Lochte's, Jessica, who was clearly on a mission to get as drunk as possible on reality television. Always a great idea. We know that.
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My favorite part of the above screenshot is that the show has ceased to bother with the imaginary "fourth wall" at all at this point. Look to your right, Lochtenation. A crew member or simply, a club-goer with really exquisite taste in cameras? Your choice!
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Another nightmare of mine; being commanded to dance "up there" anywhere.
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See how the alcohol is beginning to take effect? Below, a pinky swear over white gummy bears. I could appreciate that. I think they're underrated to.
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"I like Michael Phelps."
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When the "Jeah!" level gets too high, it's time to get the hell out of dodge, Lochte, and leave Jessica. Just make a run for it.
Also, special props to Rick for dealing with having his credit card declined on national television.
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It wouldn't have been a finale without one last dinner with the Lochte clan, would it? My favorite part about the series of food fight screenshots below, is the completely unfazed look on the baby's face.
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Also, I think this is possibly the only reality show I've seen where we were literally invited to the wrap party.
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When the flashback sequence started, we knew things were coming to a close for What Would Ryan Lochte Do? I captured my favorite moment from said montage below. Here's us watching the show we're currently watching being filmed. Ryan Lochte is so meta!
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Seriously, was there any better way to end the first Season than with Ryan forgetting who Jessica was entirely?
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Well, that's all, Lochtenation! Thanks for tuning in with me every week to catch Ryan Lochte and his colorful cast of characters fight an evil legion of intelligent bananas, wear lots of scarves, make lots of bets and new words, and swim.
Infinite jeahs to you all!
What did you think of the finale of What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, Episodes 7 & 8? Are you sad the season is over, or are you happy Lochte is going back to what he does best (swimming and partying)?
Thanks for reading my Photo Recap and Review of the What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Season Finale! Hit the comments below or tweet me your reactions to the episodes @JoeTranch!