Once Upon A Time - Recap - All The Best Characters Have Daddy Issues

The writers of Once Upon A Time continue to personally victimize me and my favorite characters this week on an all new episode.

Read on for our recap of season 3 episode 8 of Once Upon A Time: "Think Lovely Thoughts".

Tonight, we're learning a little bit more about Rumple and his daddy issues.

Through a series of flashbacks, we meet a young Rumple and discover his relationship with his father Malcolm, a world class skeaze. All he cares about is himself and money. The fact that he has a son seems more of a hindrance than anything else. Rumple ends up with a magic bean that can take them somewhere they can have a fresh start. Malcolm chooses a place from his dreams: Neverland.

By the way, A+ casting with Rumple's father. Stephen Lord sounds just like Robert Carlyle. Once in Neverland, Malcolm is disappointed because the magic he once dreamed about isn't working on him. He's no longer a little boy. This place isn't meant for him, or so says Marilyn Manson AKA Creepy Shadow. It takes almost no convincing at all to convince Malcolm he should just dump Rumple and then he'll turn into a boy again. He happily sacrifices baby Rumple for the joy of flying.

As the smoke clears and his transformation is complete, we see that Malcolm is revealed to be...Peter Pan.

UGH! Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I had seen the set pictures and read the rumors but I didn't think the writers would cop out this badly. Does everyone on this show need to be related? This family tree is insane. This actually makes Peter Pan 1000% less interesting to me now, which is a shame because the young actor playing him (Robbie Kay) is fantastic. And it's an even bigger shame that the conclusion to this arc seems inevitable.

I am not happy.

Well, now we know what Rumple meant when he said that Peter Pan destroyed his father. Back on the island, there's some tension amongst the group. Emma is annoyed that Snow wants to just leave her behind to stay on the island with David and tries to find a solution, the others are wary of Rumple once they find out about the prophecy, and Bae frees Wendy from her cage.

Wendy spills the beans on the rest of Peter's plan. He's dying and he needs Henry's heart to allow his magical youth to continue. Once he has it, Henry will die. I would gladly trade Henry for Pan. Well. Pre-Malcolm Pan.

Rumple confronts Pan with Pandora's box only to discover that Pan has the real one. Rumple is sucked inside and Pan is free to do with Henry's heart what he wishes. Despite his family telling him otherwise, Henry is convinced that he'll be some kind of hero if he hands over his heart. Peter Pan now has Henry's heart, and Henry drops to the ground. The writers are so cruel to me.