The Real Housewives of New Jersey - Photo Recap: Teresa Attempts to Wink

As the incomparable Rosie put quite well, once one person is violently biting another’s nuts, there’s really only one direction the feud can go. Let me begin the Photo Recap and Review of The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 5 Episode 8!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

I think the fight went something like…

“I’m the best Joe!”

“No, I’m the best Joe!”

“I’m the only Joe!”

“He’s biting my nuts!”

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

So what do we think of the aftermath of the fight? Teresa immediately ran to conjure the warlocks known as the producers as soon as fists started flying.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

UGH!

Melissa, on the other hand, was right there in the thick of things clawing Juicy’s eyes out. Personally speaking, I thought Gorga was a little quick to call out Teresa for not manhandling both Joes apart. I mean, if Richie, Kathy, Melissa, and Rosie couldn’t break this fight up, was Teresa really going to help? Then again, remember when she threw Andy Cohen across the room at that reunion? I don’t think asking the producers to “call the cops” instead of physically ripping her brother off of her husband warranted Melissa’s “Devil” comparisons. Apparently, Satan runs away from conflict in high boots too!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

I truly try not to choose sides because, let's be real, if any side ever fully conquers, the show's over. I will, however, admit to not understanding Richie's intentions at all. I mean, that was a tough one to blame on Teresa, whether you support Joe Gorga or not. Who wouldn't explain the situation to their husband? I think the term "scum" warrants anger. Am I crazy? "Andy, am I speaking Chinese?!"

Then again, wasn't Richie's attack on Teresa fun to watch knowing that just mere moments beforehand, Tre had done the greatest impersonation I've ever seen. I give you… "Richie during the Joe vs. Joe brawl":

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Oscar worthy.

Meanwhile, after a bit of:

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

And:

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

We added insult to injury! Look who was still skulking around the enchanted castle, looking to explore feelings and share emotions. After organizing the photos for this recap, I couldn't help but think that this conversation:

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Would have been so much better had it been re-imagined as this conversation:

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Right?!

By the way, with regard to Melissa's striking down of the obviously world class beverage known as "Fabellini," I've actually, surprisingly, had the opportunity to taste it, and… it's so good. I'm not kidding. Now, this may devolve into one of those situations where I have to walk into a liquor store and drum up some sort of an "It's my cousin Jade's 21st birthday, so… Fabellini! Not for me, though. I promise, not for me!" excuse. Melissa fans, give it a go. I'm not telling. What happens if you download and enjoy "On Display" while drinking Fabellini? Does Earth survive?

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

That's Teresa trying to wink at you. See? You're secret is safe!

By the way, is there anything better than a dose of Rosie in the morning? Better than a bloody mary. NO! Better than scotch!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Also, I still love the absolutely bizarre relationship (I don't care what they call it… They are BEST friends!) between Teresa and Caroline. Manzo was right. If Teresa "the table flipper" was calling in reinforcements, things had to have devolved into a total sh*t show.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Caroline, though... Let's be honest. I'm totally fine with this. In fact, I totally get it, but she has to secretly love being a part of this. Maybe she's not even fully aware of this, but she's basically standing in as a first-hand viewer at this point. You know you would want the invitation to that castle. I mean, there is a camera crew involved. No one is getting killed, right? Right?..

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

So, are you familiar with LA Shrinks star Dr. V? Basically, she's like this real world fairy with the ability to dissect and review relationships as though she has some sort of sixth sense. It's like magic, only not as fun. I have to admit, Dr. V was spot on with her assessment.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

I'm starting to believe that this is, indeed, a situation where one party is interpreting things incorrectly. Maybe it is Teresa, but that isn't to say that the Gorgas are entirely innocent. I mean, I don't care what they say to the camera. They were not interested in this retreat from the get-go. Teresa went in with a negative score. It was like starting the SAT test without filling in her name.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Melissa, for example, was sort of unwilling to even give Dr. V the time of day, right? I know that Teresa was the one to call in the fellow bravolebrity, but, come on, Teresa was actually "Teresa." Meaning, Bravo knows what the hell it's doing. Cross pollination! It's like when Aquaman visits Batman in Gotham!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

After speaking one-on-one with Zio Joe, Dr. V seemed to come to the conclusion that Gorga needed more time. Teresa waited in the wings, managing to bear face-to-face brunch time with Melissa. Eventually, Giudice was called in to join her brother in a session with Dr. V.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Meanwhile, Melissa wallowed in embarrassment as Caroline made her arrival known.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

I feel like, in retrospect, I was a little hard on Melissa this week's recap and review of Season 5 Episode 8. Sorry, Gorga! I'll download… Wait, what is it called? "Rockstar"? No! The ballad! I'll find that ballad, Melissa.

Joe, initially, was unwilling to continue his reconciliation attempts with Tre. That is, until Teresa was brought into the equation, immediately sparking a more complex emotional response from her younger bro. Do you think Teresa is actually concerned with taking care of little Joe?

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Job well done, Dr. V!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

*Sips Tea*

Next week, we finally get to witness the "trust catch-and-fall" activity. See, I think I'd panic and drop everyone. I would not stage that exercise around a fireplace.

What did you think of The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 5 Episode 8? Are you Team Giudice or Team Gorga?