The Bachelorette Season 9 (Desiree) - Premiere - Recap

Welcome to the season premiere of The Bachelorette Season 9! Our lovely bachelorette is Desiree Hartsock, the 27-year-old bridal stylist who was rejected by Sean Lowe last season in a teary, dramatic goodbye. On Sean's season, Des was an immediate frontrunner, but it seemed like several other girls developed better relationships with Sean as time went on. She's sweet, beautiful, and kind; I'm sure she'll be a great bachelorette.

Des walks to her bachelorette pad in Malibu, Calif. to greet host Chris Harrison. She talks about how her family struggled financially when she grew up, so she's overwhelmed by how nice the pad is. He then hands her the keys to a baby blue Bentley convertible. "I just feel like, I'm Cinderella in the flesh." So is Cinderella the theme of the season?

…seems like it. "I'm ready to meet my Prince Charming," she tells Chris. She's really, really emotional, and the tears continue to flow. "My fairytale… it's here. One of those men is going to come out of the limo and hopefully sweep me off my feet."

Video packages

Let's meet the guys!

Bryden is a 26-year-old Iraqi war veteran from Missoula, Mont. He joined the army after a girl broke his heart. He pumps his fist when he's told the bachelorette is Desiree.

Will is a 28-year-old banker from Chicago who "LOVES LIFE!" He gives free high-fives to people as he walks the streets. Okay, some people might find that cheesy, but as a Free Complimenter, I love that. He's stoked when he finds out that it's Desiree as well. "I LOVE THIS WOMAN!" he yells. Hmm, that's a bit too much too soon, isn't it...

27-year-old Drew is a digital marketing analyst from Arizona. His parents divorced when he was young, his dad was an alcoholic, and his sister is seriously mentally handicapped. He thinks Desiree is the perfect woman for him to fall in love with.

Back in Chicago, we meet 26-year-old Nick R. who is a tailor/magician from Chicago. Magician? Oh dear, we're about to get a cheesy limo exit, aren't we.

Zak W. jumps off a cliff into the water. He's quite a character. He's a 31-year-old drill fluid engineer from Mico, Texas. We see him look over a balcony, naked. Aha, so he's the shirtless guy we've seen in all of the promos. I guess I'm not really complaining...

30-year-old Robert is an advertising entrepreneur from Los Angeles. He designed sign-spinning. "Hopefully, all signs point to love," he says. The contestants on this show are always quite good at puns.

Mike is a 28-year-old dental student from Dallas. His whole family is British, but he lost the accent. Bummer!

Brandon (28, painting contractor, California) loves to wakeboard, but he had a tough upbringing; his dad left when he was five years old, and his mom struggled with drug addiction.

…and those are the guys with the video packages.

"It's definitely fun to be the belle of the ball," Des says. Okay, these Cinderella references are getting old already. Are the producers feeding these allusions to her?

Introductions, limo exits

The night of the first introductions, Des is dressed up like a silver Oscar trophy to meet her 25 guys.

• Drew is the first out of the limo. "As soon as I found out it was you, I couldn't be happier," he tells her. Aw, he's cute.
• Brooks, a 28-year-old marketing consultant from Salt Lake City, makes Des blush. Also, slow down on the hair gel, bud. 
• Brad (27, accountant, Colorado) brings a wishbone for them to make a new wish. 
• Bryden looks really young, wow. 
• Michael G. (33, federal prosecutor, Florida) takes her on a walk to the fountain. She tries to find her penny from the fountain because he thinks she deservers a do-over from the time she made a wish with Sean in the fountain. After crawling around for a while, he can't find her penny; go figure. He brings his own pennies for the two of them, and they make their own wishes in the fountain. 
• Kasey (29, advertising executive, Oklahoma) works in social media and admits that he looked her up. She calls her #perfectbachelorette, #marriagematerial, #letsdrinkagain. He's not going to hashtag everything he says, is he? #nextplease
• Will, the professional high-fiver, gives her a high-five as he walks up. He nicknames her Athena and encourages her to give him a nickname too. He either always speaks really slowly or is hammered. 
• Mikey T. (30, plumbing contractor, Illinois) comes from a very close family and is an older brother, so he can relate to the relationship that Des and her brother have. 
• Jonathan (26, lawyer, North Carolina) brings her a letter… and it's not one of those sappy love letters. Rather, his letter invites her to forgo the other 24 guys and head to the fantasy suite automatically, but she says that she's not that kind of girl. Clever, but probably not the way to go if you want to seem serious about the process. We'll see if Des will overlook that. 
• Zak W., the shirtless guy, seems to have lost his shirt once again, because he walks  shirtless out of the limo. Well, flaunt what you've got, right? "Did you forget something?" Des jokes with him. "I have to ask you…" he begins, "will you accept these abs?" The guys are probably jealous of his abs. 
• James (27, advertising executive, Chicago). He talks about loyalty and other things i don't remember.
• Larry (34, ER Doctor, California) teaches her a dance move. But it gets really awkward really quickly because she's surprised by the dip, and she catches her heel on her dress, ripping it a bit. "Not the dress for this," she says. He swears to himself as he leaves.
• Tailor/magician Nick R. performs a magic trick for her and makes a rose appear. 
• Zack K. (28, book publisher, California) walks out wearing Converse. 
• Oh no… Diogo (29, marketing manager) appears in a full suit of armor and tells her that he's here to be his "knight in shining armor." Oh man, this is so unfortunate. "It's really heavy, man," he tells the guys as he walks into the mansion. He's also probably sweating buckets. 
• Chris (27, mortgage broker, Seattle) is probably the most attractive guy to walk out of the limo so far. It probably doesn't hurt that he was once a professional baseball player. I do love my ex-baseball-playing bachelors! He gets down on one knee, and Des gasps. "I've given this a lot of thought," he says as Des giggles, "but will you mind if i tie my shoe? I just don't want to trip… I just want to get off on the right foot." That was pretty cute. 
• Mike R. is in a white suit and dresses up as McDreamy.
• Robert reminds me of the actor who played Scotty in Eurotrip, Scott Mechlowicz. He tells Des that he's "not a tie guy" and then whips it off. Okay… not sure what the point of that stunt was...
• Juan Pablo (31, former pro soccer player) brings her a little piece of chocolate, and she loooves chocolate! 
• Brandon arrives on a motorcycle. Very suave. 
• Brian (29, financial advisor, Baltimore), on the other hand, doesn't make much of a memorable entrance, probably because he was sandwiched between Brandon and...
• Micah (32, law student, Denver) walks out in an awful royal blue suit. Ah, it's because he designed it himself. The back says "Designed by this guy" in big block letters. 
• Nick M. (27, investment, Charlotte) wrote her a poem. He says in the poem that he's "here for the right reasons." Well clearly he likes to watch the franchise, because he just used the ultimate Bachelor buzz phrase. 
• After Dan (30, beverage sales director, Las Vegas), the next is a little boy who comes out in a suit and holds a yellow daisy. This kid, Brody, is so adorable. Des can't stop gushing over him. Ben (28, entrepreneur, Dallas) calls his boy his "partner in crime." Okay, that was really cute. "I wish I could go to the party," Brody says when he's back in the limo.

 

Cocktail party

Chris Harrison gives her the opportunity to hand out roses at will like Sean did last season. Nick R. the magician starts the Bachelorette-stealing by calling for everyone's attention; he's going to make Des disappear for five minutes! He leads her away. That's actually pretty funny.

Ben says that he had a child with his best friend and that Brody's mother is a great woman. That's nice. They bond over camping memories. She calls him "husband material." Ben gets the first rose! The rest of the guys get antsy.

Shirtless Zak W. strips down to his underwear and cannonballs into the pool. Well, he's fun! No one follows him into the water, but his efforts pay off, though, because she gives him a rose for jumping in! She tucks it into his front pocket.

Bryden talks about about he befriended a 10-year-old kid in Iraq. She eats up that story and immediately leaves to get a rose for him. She gives a rose to Bryden! 

She's enamored by Juan Pablo's accent and looks. He brings her a soccer ball, and they kick it around. A bunch of guys then come out to play soccer.

Drew has a really nice smile. They joke around for a while, and he admits that she gives him butterflies. They don't really talk about anything, but they do have a lot of chemistry. Drew gets rose #4. 

Larry apologizes for the Dip-Gone-Wrong, but the conversation is probably the most awkward of the night. He drawls on, and she even asks him if he's tired.

Jonathan hopes that she might reconsider going to the fantasy suite. He lights some candles and does some push-ups!! He plans to try to kiss her on the mouth. Oh my god, he's insane. He thinks he's trying to be funny. He encourages her to do something fun and crazy to go to the fantasy suite with her again. Yeah... he's wasted.

Nick M. and Michael G. get roses before the rose ceremony too. Jonathan drags her to the fantasy suite for the third time -- which is three times too much -- and she asks him to leave immediately.

Rose ceremony

The other guys who receive roses are: Brandon, Zack K., Will, Brooks, Juan Pablo, Brad, #Kasey, James, Robert, Brian, Dan, Chris, and Mikey T. 

Larry, Nick R., Diogo, Micah, and Mike R. are the ones eliminated at the rose ceremony. (Jonathan was previously eliminated.)

It's never too early to start thinking about frontrunners! What do you all think? Who were your faves? Who did you hate? Judging from the previews, Ben and James seem to be polarizing characters. Last season, Catherine flew under the radar for the first half of the season, so will this year's eventual winner be subjected to the same edit? I guess we'll see as the season unfolds!

Let me know your thoughts in comments.