The Bachelorette Season 8 - Week 8 - Recap

Here's my recap of Week 8 of The Bachelorette's eighth season. Emily travels to Illinois, Utah, Arizona, and Texas to visit her four remaining guys in their hometowns.

We start off on Emily's home turf in Charlotte, where she summarizes her feelings for each guy.

Re: Chris: "He's always doing sweet and thoughtful things for me… he has the qualities that I would look for in a husband."
How many times has she used the word "sweet' to describe Chris over the course of the season? Like 30? Not even kidding. Starting now I'm going to tally how many times she calls him that.

Re: Jef: "From the first day, I saw something so special in Jef. I've always said that I've wanted a guy with a little bit of edge. My life would Jef would be full of adventure and fun; I feel like he would be a great husband and would make the best dad."
I see that in you too, Jef. XOXO, every girl in America.

Re: Arie: "From my very first date with Arie, we had an instant connection. I'm so attracted to him. He definitely has that bad boy edge. Guys like Arie are really, really hard to find. "

Re: Sean: "Sean makes me feel safe and very taken care of and very confident. ...that is the person that I'm falling in love with."
GASP! She said the "L" word! ("Lesbian?" "No…" "Lesbians? Scott Pilgrim reference.)

Chris' Hometown Date: Chicago, Illinois

Chris and Emily walk around Chicago, where he apologizes for being "a little baby" in last week's episode. It seems like a lot of viewers were turned off by his complaining and groveling, so thanks for the apology, Chris, but I still don't think you're going to win America over.

Chris says that he and his family are really, really Polish. "I'm a first-generation Polish-American. On a scale from 1 to Polish… we're Polish." Well, that's an interesting way to think of it. On a scale from 1 to Bad at Making 1-to-10 Scales, Chris is Bad at Making 1-to-10 Scales.

Chris introduces Emily to his father John, mother Rose, and sisters Renee and Teresa at his parents' home in Hanover Park. A lot of talk that night is about protecting Chris' heart from heartbreak.

"You may get hurt. If you love her, then you got to go out there and kick butt and fight," Rose encourages Chris.

"If he's not the one, then end it sooner rather than later and not drag it out," Renee tells Emily.

Chris thinks that the day has gone fantastically, and he finally utters that little four-letter word.
"You really make me feel good. I've never really said this before… I am in love with you." So that makes it three guys who have confessed their love for Emily… Your move, Sean!

Chris brings her out to the backyard where entertainers clad in Polish garb greet them. It's kind of a requirement for one hometown date to have some kind of gigantic family dance party, so I guess Chris' family fulfilled that.

Jef's Hometown Date: St. George, Utah

Jef takes Emily to his family's ranch in St. George, Utah, aka the Holmstead Ranch. Ha! I get it. They dune buggy around the ranch and shoot clay pigeons. She pretends to not know how to shoot a gun and then knocks down every single one of them.

Jef's stunned. "Emily looks so hot with a gun."

He takes her to meet his brother Steve, Steve's wife, brother Mike, and sisters Melissa and Julie. Jef's parents are in South Carolina doing "charity work," so they're not present, but even so, Emily says repeatedly that she's intimidated by his giant family. In last week's episode, he had admitted that he broke up with a former girlfriend because his parents didn't think she was right for him, so Emily's definitely nervous. When she chats with each of his family members, she's visibly anxious, but obviously she charms them just like she charms pretty much every single person in America.

"Love isn't an investment, it's an adventure. I think you would be the perfect type of person to complement Jef," Steve says.

After leaving the ranch, Jef takes her back out in the wilderness, atop a canyon, and he reads her an absolutely adorable letter that he wrote her about him wanting to wake up to Emily's "big, brown eyes" every morning and teaching Ricki how to play sports. Most importantly, he concludes his letter with:

"Most of all, I'm completely and hopelessly in love with you."

"That was honestly the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," Emily replies. She's smitten. "I had the best day."

Arie's Hometown Date: Scottsdale, Arizona

If there's one thing competing with the heat of the Arizona sun, it's Arie dressed up in his racing gear, helmet off. Emily completely agrees with me, but I guess she just expresses her opinion in a different way:

"Arie definitely looks stupid hot," she says.

I guess that works? Anyways, they meet at the track, and she rides with him in the back of his Indy Car. Later, he brings up concerns that his Dutch mom might not approve of Emily.

"You're All-American and my parents are All-European…" Arie warns her. "She's probably going to be the least open-minded."

Despite his disclaimer, she doesn't seem very nervous when she meets his dad, mother, brothers, and sister.

However, awkwardness ensues when Arie's mom, Mieke, starts talking in Dutch, and everyone else responds in Dutch while Emily sits there, head down. How uncomfortable must that have been for her, not knowing what they were saying?

Emily says that she has three main qualities that she looks for in a guy. "Someone to make me laugh would be at the top. Arie makes me laugh more than I've laughed in forever. That's one of the million things that I've loved about him," she tells his mother. Emily wins her over, as she notices how happy Arie is around Emily. She can tell that he loves her.

This hometown date has made Arie fall in love with Emily even more.

"Right now, I could definitely propose to Emily. I feel like I'm ready. I'm definitely going to marry Emily," he says. I guess we'll see about that one in a few weeks!

Sean's Hometown Date: Dallas, Texas

I have got to say, Sean has definitely risen on the Bachelorette leaderboard this week with a hometown visit that was both funny and sweet.

Sean admits that he's never really the vulnerable kind of guy in a relationship, but says, "I will never let a girl give herself to me if I can't reciprocate."

"He's so perfect that I don't know if there are any bombs to be dropped," Emily says, the producers obviously using editing to their foreshadowing benefit. Emily's word of the day: "perfect."

They head to his parents' house in Colleyville, Texas, a house so perfect (oh, Emily's rubbing off on me) that his niece (actually, I'm not sure what relation that little girl has to him) has her own private, mini house in the backyard. The house is big enough for a miniature table to use for tea parties with stuffed animals, but yet, it's perfect.

As has been teased in every preview for this episode, Sean's been hiding a dirty little secret, and he might not be the perfect guy Emily thinks he is. "Sean in my mind is the most perfect, all-around being," she reminds us once again.

He warns her that he's been keeping a secret from her, and she's bracing herself for the truth.
"I still live here," he says.
"Hmm. What the ----?!?" she's probably thinking. "I am trying my best to be the sweet, southern girl I am, but in my mind I'm rethinking everything, every conversation that we've had."
He brings her up to his room, a mancave if I've ever seen one, and introduces her to each one of his stuffed animals. The dust bunnies and bugs snacking on the scattered cookie crumbs didn't get an introduction, but I guess the camera's zoomed-in shots of every section of the room clued viewers in. Emily's freaking out and is wondering what the heck is wrong with him. "I can clean," she mutters meekly. "Meep."

Aaaaaaaand because the producers are literally obsessed with making things appear not as they really are, Sean tells Emily that this was all a joke. "Obviously I don't live at home!" Duh-doy!

Emily fits in well with his southern-accented family, and they love her back. But does Sean, who has yet to admit it to her? Dun dun dun… just a matter of time. Still, he's doing things that make it seem like he does, such as chase after her car for several blocks to give her another goodbye kiss. Gotta admit, that was pretty cute.

Rose Ceremony

They travel to the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills, California for the rose ceremony. Emily is sad that she has gotten the family of the guy she's about to dump involved, because she knows that they'll be disappointed and heartbroken that he's heartbroken.

And the unlucky guy is… Chris. Who didn't see that one coming? Seemed like the inevitable. Chris ain't havin' any of this though, he's pissed and is demanding an explanation why she's rejecting him.

"So many more of my relationships grew so much faster and deeper…" she starts to say.
"I don't understand, how much faster could it possibly move?!? I told you that I loved you!!!" he retorts. "CHRIS SMASH!!!!!!!!!"
Emily is taken aback at his temper and struggles to come up with a reply.
"I wish you could see how hard it's been for me. I just have to follow my heart."

Chris doesn't appear satisfied with her words yet decides that he's had enough pouting and stomping in front of Emily. He brings his hissy fit to the confines of the Rejection Limo instead.

Still, though, I feel bad for him. He professed his Love for her, only to be rejected soon after. Don't worry, Chris, you're only 25, as Doug has reminded you many times earlier this season. You'll find someone.

Alas, we have our final three: Arie, Jef, and Sean. Next week, they're going to Curacao! Who's your favorite? Can we just watch Jef and Emily run away in the sunset together already? Let me know in comments.