The Bachelorette Season 8 – Week 4 – Recap
Here's my recap of Week 4 of The Bachelorette Season 8. (Have you not watched any of this season yet? Or, are you wondering why there are so many mentions of a "Ricky/Ricki" on the show yet rien about our lovely Rickey? Don't fret! Read my overview of Weeks 1-3 and then hurry back here to read tonight's recap of Week 4.) Things are heating up as Emily and her 13 suitors leave Charlotte and travel down south to the tropical beaches of… Bermuda! The guys whoop and pump their fists in the air.
And with that, there you have the very first meme I’ve ever created. (I will improve. It shall take time.)
Doug’s One-on-One
The one-on-one date card arrives for Doug, and he’s not hiding his nerves from the guys. Sweet, humble Doug starts to get aggravated and raises his voice at them after Arie tries to push his buttons a little bit. “Doug angry. Doug SMASH. Doug sad...” Arie jibes.
Emily and Doug go shopping, holding hands while walking the streets. Doug is ecstatic when Emily proposes…………………..… the idea to write a postcard to his son, Austin. Even though she’s impressed by him (Doug: “I started a charity a while ago…” Emily: “Of course you did”), she gets the sense that he’s hiding his flaws from her, carefully planning his words ahead of time to give her perfect-sounding responses. This reminds her of her ex-fiancé, Brad, used to do. Uh-oh, red flag! His extraordinarily lame “I care too much about my son” and “I don’t wash my car enough” quips are pretty much the dating show versions of the “My biggest weakness is that I’m a perfectionist, *eyelash bat*” job interview response. She wants the dirt, but he isn’t biting. “Maybe he’s just that perfect of a person,” she says. However, judging on the other guys’ thoughts on him, maybe he’s not. More to follow.
Group Date
The group date pits Travis, Sean, Charlie, and Chris on the red team against Jef, Arie, Ryan, and Kalon on the yellow team in a boat race, so basically it’s the Super-Jacked Guys versus the Much Lankier Guys Plus Super-Jacked Ryan. The winning team gets to spend more time with Emily, while the losing team has to head back to the hotel. Fittingly, pretty much every guy is wearing Bermuda shorts, just in different shades. Yet none are wearing salmon shorts, clearly the best kind.The Lanky Guys pull out the come-from-behind win, which leads Sean to retort, “I would’ve given my right leg to pop champagne and spend more time with Emily.” For some reason, I doubt that. Juuuuuust a tad.
Digression: When the episode is uploaded online tomorrow, I have to show you guys a screencap of Jef’s majestic hairdo flopping around in the windy harbor. It just has so much volume. So luscious! He should model for that hair product company, "Big Sexy Hair."
EDIT: Here it is!
That night, Ryan’s word filter starts to Britta-it-up even more. (Hey, that reminds me of another Ryan I know with no word filter! <3) Ryan calls Emily a “trophy wife,” which is not the best thing to say to a girl after you’ve already admitted that you wouldn’t “love on her” if she got fat. He also implies to her that she’s not setting a good example for girls across America by making out with guys in front of others, referring to when she and Arie macked on each other last episode in front of some of the other dudes. “Such a double standard… I feel like he’s judging me,” she responds to the camera. Nice going, Ryan.
As for the other three guys on the date, Arie and Emily make out again, Emily is disappointed that Jef didn’t kiss her, and Kalon… wait, he was even there? He’s kind of been sulking in the background after his Contrived Drama Arch-nemesis/Jersey Boy/Party MC Stevie was eliminated last week.
Jef gets the group date rose and admits that he’s beginning to fall for Emily. They haven’t kissed yet, but the anticipation is most definitely hyping up their mutual attraction. I see potential here.
John and Nate’s Two-on-One
“Let’s explore this Bermuda love triangle,” the date card reads. Ha! Lawlz! “It just makes me sad that one of these guys is going to get lost at sea,” Emily adds. Haaaa guuuuurrrrllllll!!!1!(Honestly, though, I’m a sucker for puns, so keep at it, Bachelor cast members/producers.)
Neither John nor Nate have had much screentime, so they make good use of what little time on camera they have by delivering some good quotes for us.
John, re: the upcoming date in which the three of them will go cliff-jumping: “This is going to be a big jumping-off point for the both of us.” ;D
Nate, re: their nutritious dinner: “Is this quinoa?! It’s a very good fiber!” (That’s totally something my health-nut dad would say. He’d approve fo sho.)
Anyways, the date was very awks. Not just one awk, but plural awks. Simply watching the three of them sit in a line at dinner, looking down at their plates, made me cringe a bit. The quinoa comment didn’t really help stir up conversation either. Nate’s keen eye for grain types shockingly didn't win Emily over; he was sent packing, partially because he seemed too young for her, partially because they had zero noticeable chemistry. John got the rose, in my mind pretty much by default.
Cocktail Party
Let’s delve into the DoodDramaz going on in the house.- Kalon v. Stevie – Done with! Thank goodness.
- Ryan v. Arie – Arie thinks Ryan doesn’t truly care about Emily and that he has a giant ego. Ryan doesn’t think of Arie as a threat and being the humble, aw-shucks lad he is, admits, “I think I’m a really good catch, and I think the other guys see that too.” If that isn’t enough, Ryan says that though Emily is a very nice girl, he believes that his relationship with her is only a launching pad for his future career as next season’s potential Bachelor. (Who would want to watch that? I would, only very slightly, to see the impending trainwreck that that season would be. But mostly not because I can’t stand his guts.)
- Doug v. Chris – The 33-year-old Doug doesn’t think that Chris is mature enough for marriage and fatherhood because he’s only 25. Chris is pissed that Doug is underestimating his maturity. The two yell at each other, and appropriately, the sounds of rolling thunder and crashing waves dominate the background noise. “I don’t believe you… just you in general. You’re over-the-top humble, and I don’t believe you half the time,” Chris scolded. Hey, sounds kind of like what Emily was saying, just in a not-so-nice way… potential foreshadowing?!
Rose Ceremony
In addition to Doug, Jef, and John, moving onto next week are Sean, Arie, Travis, Chris, Ryan, Kalon, and Alejandro. So long, Michael and Charlie. I honestly don’t even remember anything notable Michael’s done; his shoulder-length hair was pretty much his defining feature. Charlie’s was the endearingly Southern lilt-y way in which Emily said “Chah-lay” every rose ceremony (except for this one, obviously). Since that doesn’t even count as a characteristic of the man himself, I guess he just wasn’t that notable overall… yikes.Other Notes
- Emily seems to really like Arie, and even host Chris Harrison can tell. Got to admit, it does seem like they have a nice connection, both emotionally and physically. I’m not complaining… I don’t mind keeping Arie on the screen for many weeks to come!!
- She’s also really into Jef, though they seem vastly different. Jef is kind of… hipster-ish, but maybe that’s only because he skateboards. He’s interesting.
- The Kiss List: No new kisses this week; so far it’s still just Chris, Arie, and Sean who have made out with Emily.
- I don't have Photoshop. I only have MS Paint. So you're going to have to deal with my crappily manipulated Paint photos <3