Survivor: Cagayan - Season Premiere - Recap and Results - Hot Girl With a Grudge
Recap and results of Survivor: Cagayan - Season Premiere - Hot Girl With a Grudge:
Welcome to the recap and results for the Season Premiere of Survivor: Cagayan -- Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty, “Hot Girl With a Grudge”! Will a frontrunner emerge? How will this season's twist affect tribal dynamics? Will Brawn, Brains, or Beauty prevail in the first challenges of the season?
Credit: CBS
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Arrival
We kick things off by meeting some of the people on the Brains tribe as they arrive via helicopter. Spencer and David tout themselves as evil geniuses, and the big takeaway here is that everyone here is a jackass. We also meet some of the Beauty tribe as well, and Jeremiah seems about as smart as a pack of top ramen. But I guess the point of the tribe is that looks can be deceiving, I guess? The Brawn tribe seems mostly made up of cops...and NBA star Cliff Robinson, whom I find it difficult to believe no one will recognize.
Probst asks everyone to guess what tribe they're in, and Morgan (who is about 74% boobs) correctly guesses she's part of the hot tribe, leaving the Brains to deduce they're the "nerds", which leaves The Brawny Bunch. Everyone picks leaders, so the Beauties pick black-hatted LJ, while the Brawns pick Sarah, and the Brains pick David.
With leaders set, Probst orders the leaders to pick the weakest link from their tribe. LJ gets rid of Morgan because, as he explains, she's hot. And he doesn't trust "hot" as much as he trusts "cute" (i.e., the other women of his tribe). Sarah ditches Trish for being elderly, even though Trish had gone to bat for Sarah early on. David then dumps Garrett from the Brains, stupidly announcing that the reason he did it is because he's basically thinking about endgame already, since Garrett has brains and brawn. Dude, David, come on. It's Survivor Rule #1: Don't play a post-merge game pre-merge.
So we learn that the three people exiled from their respective tribes will be given a head start helicopter ride to the camp. Once there, they will make a decision about the tribe. As we learn once Trish, David, and Morgan arrive at the camp, we learn what that decision is: they can either choose to help the tribe by picking an extra bag of rice, hopefully gaining favor with the group; or they can choose to take a clue to the hidden immunity idol, so they'll have protection from being on the outs with their tribe. Garrett, a high-stakes poker player who was 99th percentile in the SATs, decides to take the clue. As does Morgan, who says she'll never forgive LJ for exiling her. Trish, however, decides to help the camp.
It basically takes two minutes of screentime, if that, until Garrett finds the hidden immunity idol. Surprisingly, it's hidden underwater this time, anchored by a rock. It's a clever hiding spot, although I still contest that if you can find it with just one clue (or no clues at all), it's not well-hidden enough. Then again, Garrett IS pretty damn smart. And hey, we know how this production works. They want these people to find the idol, in order to create the most drama. Yet not everyone is as lucky as Garrett, as Morgan's tribe arrives at camp before she returns from searching for the idol. So not only is she empty-handed, she now looks like a schemer since she's been caught searching for the idol...except apparently she hasn't been caught, since she comes up with some story to get her out of the situation.
Credit: CBS
Camp Life
It's an intriguing opening day. Well, except for the Beauty tribe, where not a whole lot happens beyond LJ asserting he doesn't trust Morgan (she's too calm, collected, and hot, so she MUST have an idol), and the beauties overcoming the assumptions no one in the game has made about them yet by getting a fire started. If nothing else, they deserve some credit for not taking the better part of the day trying to get it done, and I think it was wise of them to allow that decision to take precedent over building a shelter. Yet the Brawn tribe has a different approach, both to camp life and to strategy. They waste no time building a shelter, but it's becoming clear that the Brawn tribe appears to lack all pretense of subtlety. Cliff doesn't bother hiding his identity to anyone, saying he played basketball, but not saying exactly how successful he's been in the sport. But Woo recognizes him immediately, so he basically gives up trying to hide who he is, and starts humble-bragging to everyone. Granted, he's a warm, unassuming guy, so maybe he just doesn't realize how he's coming across. At the very least, he has nothing to worry about in the tribal portion of the game, since no one cares if you're famous in the early going. But you don't get to the end if people think you already have money in the bank.
Of course, Cliff's strategy is nowhere near as boneheaded as Tony's. He's a cop, but for some reason, decides he needs to hide this fact from fellow cop Sarah, who makes it her mission to prove that he's a cop (since she knows a cop when she sees one). Tony randomly decides to insist he's in construction, with his rationale being that if people know he's a cop, they'll deduce he's strategic and quick on his toes, which will make him a target. It's not the worst rationale in the world, but I absolutely have no idea why he wouldn't make an ally out of his fellow cop. Of all the people to lie to, why lie to someone whose JOB it is to detect when people are LYING? Because of her extensive training, Sarah doesn't buy for a second that Tony's not a cop. Nor should she, and so she makes the decision that Tony can't be trusted and needs to go home, thus negating whatever goal Tony thought he was accomplishing by lying. At the very least, he was put in the right tribe, since he clearly doesn't belong in either of the others.
We then check in on the Brains, where J'Tia immediately takes charge, since her PhD in Nuclear Engineering has her comfortably declaring (to the camera, anyway) that she's the smartest person in the tribe. But Tasha doesn't like her bossiness. Nor does anyone else. And yeah, basically she comes across like the most annoying person in the game (and when you're in a tribe with squirrely, self-important, overplaying-his-hand David, that's saying A LOT). She's intelligent, sure, but if she knew anything about Survivor, she'd know that being a leader isn't exactly the most enviable approach in the early part of the game.
Credit: CBS
Immunity/Reward Challenge
So it's an obstacle course/puzzle, because of course it is. It involves building a cart and using it to transport several chests full of puzzle pieces through a course and over to a wheel in which the puzzle pieces can be fitted. It's pretty much a two-way race all the way through between Brawn and Beauty, as the two tribes trade the lead back and forth. Brains do a sad-ass job, prompting Probst to absolutely BERATE them throughout the challenge. I mean, seriously, I don't think I've ever heard Jeff go in on a tribe like that. And while he wasn't exactly wrong about their poor performance, I have to think his badgering commentary had a mental/demoralizing effect. By the end, I just wanted him to shut the hell up. I know he privileges challenge acumen and virility, but dude needs to leave those issues at the door and remain objective. Ever since he became an executive producer, his hand has been far too visible in this game.
Oh yeah, the challenge. Though it's incredibly close, and basically comes down to the last three puzzle pieces, Beauty narrowly defeats Brawn. But hey, Brawn still gets flint for coming in second. Still, it's not as good as the fire-making kit Beauty got for winning. And they're not even the tribe that NEEDS fire!
BEAUTY wins Immunity/Reward!
BRAWN comes in second!
BRAINS are headed to tribal council!
Post-Challenge
Everyone plays Monday Morning Quarterback, looking for an excuse for why they got destroyed. Some people are blaming J'Tia's bossiness, while David continues to have a bug up his ass about Garrett. Kass doesn't even want to hear David out, basically telling him it'll be J'Tia, which is an immensely satisfying moment. The sooner and more frequently David can get put in his place, the better. Of course, Kass then blows this awesome moment by straight-up telling J'Tia that she's thinking of writing her name down, telling the girl that she doesn't contribute around camp in any meaningful fashion. Kass even TELLS J'Tia it'd be best for her to start scrambling, which is just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard one Survivor contestant say to his or her enemy.
Garrett tries to set J-Tia's concerns at ease by telling her David will be the one to go. He tries to get four solid votes by rounding up J'Tia, Sasha, and Spencer, yet it's the latter player who isn't sure if he wants to vote David. His argument is that he constantly sees David walking off with Kass, and so Spencer's big fear is that David will play an idol. Garrett could quash this concern by just telling Spencer he has the idol, but he decides to keep playing it close to the vest, essentially killing his own plan in the cradle.
Tribal Council
In a funny moment, Garrett freaks out when a spider crawls on him as he arrives. But the laughs don't last very long, as J'Tia immediately goes on the defensive, arguing that while she had a plan, her plan didn't work. Yet she insists she doesn't deserve to go home, saying it would suck to be the first person voted out. The downpour makes this much more ominous than these entire proceedings might otherwise have been, especially when J'Tia calls out David and says he needs to be the one to leave. David tries to defend himself by saying that this is what a person does when she's about to get voted out, before correcting himself and saying, "When she thinks she's about to get voted out." Subtlety is not this man's strong suit.
So we get to the votes, and David votes for J'Tia, condescendingly saying he'd hire her in the real world, but not tonight. J'Tia returns the favor by writing David's name down, and I'll be FLOORED if it's anyone but J'Tia going home. Of course, just when I think this tribe of Brains couldn't get any more boneheaded, Garrett lets out a telltale cough when Probst asks if anyone would like to play the hidden immunity idol. Ugh, dude, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe you don't deserve to last another three days.
J'Tia
David
J'Tia
David
David
David
WOW! I figured they were setting him up to be the villain of this season, and yet here he is, getting Blindsided on the first night! And dude is LIVID, mouthing "Unbelievable" as he storms off with his head down.
DAVID is voted out of Survivor: Cagayan!
He says "no hard feelings" in his exit interview, arguing that he did everything he thought he needed to do, and I can at least appreciate that the man admits that he tried a play style that didn't work, and that it's not really anybody else's fault but his own.
Credit: CBS
After Tribal
Garrett complains about how Survivor isn't "fun" or a "cool adventure," which begs the question of what the hell he thought he was signing up for. I don't know for sure, one way or the other, but if I had to guess I would say Garrett was a recruit, or somebody who applied to be on a different show but was offered a spot on Survivor (both instances that have happened in the past), and not somebody familiar with the game who actually applied to be on Survivor.
But Garrett is quick to keep playing, making a pact with Spencer and trying to rope Kass into a Final 3 alliance. Kass isn't really into it, arguing, "We can do our stupid handshake, but I don't really care. As long as it's not me." So the Sandra Diaz-Twine strategy, then? Hey, it worked out pretty well for her. Hell, it worked out TWICE for her.
Meanwhile, over at the Brawns, the bromance between Cliff and Woo continues to develop, as Cliff declares Woo is wing man, the Pippen to his Jordan. The canoe they're in tips over, prompting Tony and Cliff to try and get all the water out once back on land. This leads us into the "Everybody Loves Cliff" segment, as half the tribe has confessionals in which they talk about how much they love Cliff, while the other half talk about their concerns over how well-liked Cliff has become.
Over at the Beauty tribe, Jeremiah is smitten with Morgan, prompting Brice to play wingman to make the alliance happen. Brice's commentary is fantastic, as he seems highly derisive of his tribe, and resentful that they likely thought he would just be "the fourth girl." But he's better at keeping his real feelings concealed than Trish over on the Brawn tribe. For some reason, Trish decides to give Lindsey a hard time about working around camp. They basically go around talking trash about each other to their respective allies, with Lindsey doing a silly Trish impression, and Trish finding comfort in Tony, whom she sees as a kindred spirit. Tony is also building a "spy shack" in order to eavesdrop on his fellow tribemates, which is right up there with Pepsi Clear in the Bad Idea Hall of Fame.
Credit: CBS
Immunity/Reward Challenge
Cages everywhere! The tribes must navigate several cages with puzzle pieces through a water gauntlet, bringing the pieces to land where ONE castaway from each tribe will piece the puzzle together. The tribes with one extra person must sit someone out, so Brawn picks Cliff while Beauty picks Brice.
This challenge is almost an inverse of the last one, as it starts out reasonably close, yet it's the Brains tribe that takes the commanding lead. Garrett commands the tribe not to get confident, as the other tribes are already gaining ground on them. Brawn and Brains have a huge lead since Beauty is stuck in the water. Sarah and J'Tia solve for their respective tribes, and Sarah makes short work of the puzzle, as J'Tia struggles to keep up. It's clear that the nerves are getting to J'Tia, since she knows this is her ass if she can't close the deal. Sarah easily finishes the puzzle to give Brawn the win, and now the Beauty tribe has caught up. LJ is stacking the puzzle pieces one by one, taking the commanding lead as J'Tia starts to cry nervous tears. Probst is back with the condescending commentary, but it actually seems to motivate her this time. She gets an extra piece or two into the puzzle, but it's not enough.
BRAWN wins immunity/reward!
BEAUTY comes in second!
BRAINS are headed to Tribal Council...again!
Brawn receives fishing gear for their win, while Beauty gets a smaller fishing gear-related reward. Brains, meanwhile, get nothing but Jeff's probing questions. He asks J'Tia how she's feeling, and she says she feels like she let her tribe down, since she's not very good at puzzles. SO WHY THE HELL DID THEY PICK YOU TO BE THE PUZZLE-SOLVER?!
I swear, these people are book smart and sense dumb.
Post-Challenge
So maybe Tony isn't such a moron after all, since he quickly surmises that the fishing gear the Brawn tribe just won during the challenge contains a clue to the hidden immunity idol. So while everyone is busy celebrating, Tony finds the clue and immediately gets to searching for the idol. Ninety seconds of screentime later, and he has the hidden immunity idol. So if he wasn't smug before, his confidence is about to be amplified twentyfold. As well it should be, since he was apparently the only person with the good sense to check for an idol clue in the first place. With that said, his celebration is tremendously entertaining. He's like a 14-year-old kid who's touched boob for the first time.
Over on the Brains tribe, Garrett decrees that the tribe will discuss strategy together instead of going off and having separate talks. This annoys Tasha greatly, as well it should, since it's clear Garrett isn't very interested in actually playing the game. Unless not playing the game is his way of playing the game. But dude is just SUCH a baby about it, whining about why Tasha feels the need to have side conversations at all, since they've already settled the matter. Of course, Garrett has pretty much decided it's J'Tia, and doesn't understand why anyone would want to go against him on that vote, not recognizing that taking away others' agency makes him someone with whom these people might not want to deal. In short, he's lucky he has an idol, although I wonder if he's actually smart enough to recognize he's in danger.
J'Tia likens this to being fired in front of an entire company, and she rightly wonders why the hell Garrett would think she'd just roll over and take it. Spencer is MVP of the episode with his confessional in which he deems Garrett a first-class, grade-A moron for not simply telling J'Tia what she wants to hear instead of stupidly holding an open forum. Spencer surmises that now they'll have to worry about dealing with each of the women individually. Tasha takes Kass aside and argues that today is the only day they'll have the numbers, and so they should get rid of one of the guys. Of course, in doing this, they leave J'Tia alone at camp, where she has a spiteful freakout, pouring rice all over the fire. So she essentially deprives her tribe of rice, and souring Kass and Tasha on the prospect of saving her. Garrett now gets to say "I told you so" when he adds that they should have all remained together like he said. And Kass says what we're all thinking, as she wonders what the hell the producers' criteria was for "Brains". Amen, sister.
Credit: CBS
Immunity Challenge
Garrett explains his rationale for holding the open forum, saying that he thought it would put J'Tia at ease to remove doubt about her fate from the equation. J'Tia admits to dumping the rice, and Tasha says this is why she wanted to have a private conversation away from her, since she's volatile. Kass, however, has plenty of blame for Garrett, saying that his paranoia is the reason J'Tia was left alone long enough to dump the rice.
Garrett continues to prove he might be the dumbest person to ever play the game, talking about the decision "the alliance" made, before correcting himself and saying "the tribe." By mentioning an alliance, he has to come out and say who he thinks is in the alliance, and so he names himself, Spencer, and Kass, who feels she's in no such alliance. Garrett tries to argue that Kass was the one who came looking for a partnership, and throughout the entire thing, Tasha and J'Tia appear to find this all grimly humorous, particularly when Garrett digs himself even deeper by insisting that "the four of us" are equals, not remembering that his tribe has FIVE people in it. Seriously, I don't like J'Tia but I think I might actually hate Garrett.
And so it's time for the vote, and Spencer notes, in his vote for J'Tia, that "The fact that you're a nuclear engineer is genuinely, genuinely scary." Probst collects the votes and reads the count...
J'Tia
Garrett
J'Tia
Garrett
Garrett
BLINDSIDE!!!!!! TWO IN ONE EPISODE!
GARRETT has been voted off of Survivor: Cagayan!
So Garrett is bounced from the game with an idol in his pocket. Delicious. Spencer gets the quote of the episode asking "Who wants to welcome me to the bottom?" To which Kass replies, "Eh, it's not so bad." I love this effing game.
Garrett reveals in his exit interview that he didn't even BRING the immunity idol to tribal, since he was so confident about what would happen. The man ABSOLUTELY deserved to go home though, and I'm incredibly impressed with this cast so far, since I feel like David and Garrett would have been kept around for an excruciatingly long period of time in previous seasons, just for their "goat" potential in the finals. Yet here we are, rid of two potentially infuriating, deadweight contestants in the very first episode! I'm positively thrilled about this season.
But what did you think? Did the right people go home? What are your thoughts on the tribes and the tribal dynamics? Sound off in the comments!
Thanks for hanging out, and check back next week as I'll be recapping this entire season. Here's hoping it's as exciting as tonight's premiere.