Real Housewives of New Jersey - Photo Recap: Don't You Have a Cannoli to Stuff?

Episode 17 of Season 5 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey saw the ever-shady Penny and her husband, who’s been known up until now merely as “…The Greek,” bashing our favorite Jersey ladies via Twitter. Twitter, aah… such class and grace. What a perfect venue to ruin someone’s marriage or to bash someone’s child! Meanwhile, Melissa ventured down to Johnny Wright’s compound in Orlando looking to kick-start her career as Melissa Gaga. She had to sing live! Here is the Photo Recap and Review of Episode 17 of Season 5 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey!

First, sorry this recap is late this week! Blame that fool known as Emmy.

Things certainly started off light enough, as Teresa and Jacqueline hit up Posche to try on ill-fitting floral jumpsuits.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Just like old times!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

But, of course, Kim D. runs the fashion dungeon known as Posche in North Jersey, and she formally invited the two to the opening of… Posche 2. The plague is spreading! Penny would be in attendance because, I’m guessing, this has something to do with hair products? Are all of these people in the hair business? Hair we go again!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Most of the beginning of Episode 17 was comprised of blink-and-you-missed-it clips where we caught up with each family. It’s Joey Wakile’s 17^th (18^th?) birthday! Ready… Set… Gumbo! Happy Birthday, Joey, from Mini Padma and Mini Tom! Rich pulled up in a brand new car with a side gift of controversy. I’ll be honest, though, Kathy… I’m not sure I would have even noticed the champagne balloon and the mixed message had you not drawn attention to it!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Greatest outfit ever worn by any Real Housewife from any city.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Now it all makes sense… Wait, in all seriousness, what is this show? Remember Danielle Staub?

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Melissa, meanwhile, had taken the trip down to Florida for Jonas Brothers Boot Camp! One day, Melissa Gorga aspires to be the next N’Sync. By the way, doesn’t Johnny Wright’s compound kind of look like a hotel that’s been infused with a playground?

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

I've heard of "dying dog," but this one's already dead! What does a dead dog sing like?

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

So, I think what went down during Melissa’s training trip was that she’d earn the opportunity to perform for a crowd of 150,000 if she could prove that she’s a live performer through a radio performance, but everything Melissa said throughout her entire experience led me to believe that, well, she’s never done this before. I mean, she’s in her thirties.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Is it really so awful to not be a pop star? Also, is it really so awful if someone accuses you of lip-synching if you only lip-synch?

Okay, have you heard about this Caroline Manzo spinoff show that’s set to follow this family? Let me put it this way, we witnessed the grand opening of this Manzo boy restaurant this week, and all I could think to do was to take screenshots of reality stars with food in their mouths.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Poll: Did Teresa try one of Caroline’s famous meatballs? Well, we don’t need a poll. Teresa left the restaurant alive and un-poisoned.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

The start of the Posche 2 party seemed fun, or, at least, we were told it was. It was fun for Teresa to watch everyone else suffer. The price of beauty is steep, folks!

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Also, Jacqueline, I’m a twenty-something man, and I don’t think I’d ever want fifteen people redoing my hair all at once after arriving at an event. Is that a compliment? Fun?

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Caroline looked different, though.

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Okay, this plot line kind of makes me sick, so I’ll just glaze (RHOC reference. Who gets it?). Penny’s oaf of a husband allegedly sent out tweets claiming the Lauritas were faking their son’s autism… Give that a second to sink in. Of course, this situation was shut down in a flash. Penny greeted Jacqueline like an old college roommate. Only:

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

The argument between Teresa and Penny was sufficiently more heated. My favorite part was when Teresa got so upset over Penny’s allegations that she’d tried to ruin her sister-in-law’s life by saying something to Melissa like, “Keep breathing!”

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Bravo "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Now, I'm going to need you to scroll back up to that picture of Penny screaming at Teresa, and I'm going to need you to study the bottom right corner of that screenshot. Thank me later!

What did you think of Episode 17 of Season 5 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey? Are you pumped for the finale brawl that’s going down next week? Does Kim D. live for this stuff at her fashion shows?

Thanks for reading my Photo Recap and Review of Episode 17 of Season 5 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey!