Queue the Mid-Blog Crisis
So I've been feeling a bit lonely and isolated lately.
I keep thinking that once upon a time, this was a personal blog barely getting 100 visitors a day when my primary intent was to connect with people who might be interested in what I do and say... because quite frankly, I was probably lonely and isolated then.
That personal blog has now been transformed into an entertainment, pop culture and link website visited by at least 10,000 visitors daily... and still I find myself isolated and lonely. I shake my head at how things have gone terribly wrong. LOL
I'm obviously not doing the right thing, since after all the effort I've put into this thing, I still have not found a date at the very least. I feel that everyday I keep trying to "feed the beast" for something I might never attain. It's been making me sad.
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Last night, the American Idol Season 9 Top 10 were tweeting that they were out and about in New York City. I was torn between staying home and watching TV (yet again) covering Glee and America's Got Talent and possibly Hell's Kitchen -- or going out on an adventure to "stalk" the Idols. I ended up staying home for most of the primetime shows then leaving at around 9:30 to go to Times Square. Incidentally, Michael Buckley from YouTube was tweeting that he was at Next To Normal -- and I thought it was a good idea to stalk him too since he's Twitter buddies with Andrew Garcia. So Times Square it was and Broadway.
Unfortunately, I arrived 30 minutes after Next To Normal ended so I missed Michael Buckley. He did tweet me - after I asked where he was - that if he had known, he would have waited. That was nice. Next time I should warn him that I am stalking him! (Maybe today Wednesday...)
I decided that I should wait by door of In The Heights and (s)talk to Corbin Bleu. I forgot to ask for his contact info last Sunday after I watched the show for the sixth time. I want to interview him for the website before his run on Broadway ends in August. I figured that it wouldn't hurt to ask since he thanked me before for writing a positive review of his performance.
And so I waited while the tweens on a field trip got all excited over Corbin. The screaming fans cleared, and I asked if I can interview him. He gave me the contact info of his publicist. Yay! I will call her in the morning. Afterwards two of his fans chatted a bit more with him while I listened in. They dared ask him out for a drink (good job!) - but he declined because he had 2 shows on Wednesday.
I walked to Times Square not knowing where the Idols were - so I continued with the "where are you now" tweets I've been sending Andrew Garcia, Siobhan Magnus, Katie Stevens and/or Aaron Kelly all day. No response. It felt like I was talking to a wall. In fact none of my 5000+ followers on Twitter seemed to care as well. When Siobhan tweeted about getting pizza and I responded, I got a couple of retweets, but nothing exciting. I called it a night and gave up. I really felt sad during that time. I was physically around hundreds of people in Times Square and tweeting to thousands of people on my phone, and I was isolated and alone. There wasn't even anyone there to share my misery.
As a consolation, the Bitterbert in me said: "One of these days when you've realized that you never had a career to begin with, you and your fans will beg me to post and tweet about you!" LOL But that's how this cycle works so I don't blame them for ignoring this crazy blogger who thinks he's the center of the universe. If they don't want to be found, they won't be. Besides, Aaron needs to sleep. He's growing!
I went to American Eagle Outfitters and bought yellow and orange polo shirts with their buy one get the rest at 50% off promo.
There was really no rush to get home, so I decided to walk. Passed the In The Heights and Billy Elliot theaters going home, then for some reason, I also passed by the Hair theater to see if Ace Young and Diana DeGarmo were on the posters (they weren't). At the end of the long block however was a pleasant surprise: it was Ace Young himself in the flesh. I stopped and waited for him to get off the phone. "Ace!" I said, and he recognized me. I told him about my failed Season 9 adventure, and I asked for a picture so I can tweet my followers that the night was not completely in vain. He told me we had the same phone which is a Palm Pre. Then we discussed Hair. He told me that I should watch next week. (Oh no, I need to buy tickets now!) He said to let him know when I'm coming so he can hook me up backstage and stuff. Sweet! I asked if he really was naked on the show and he said yes. He said that some people thought he was wearing something like a stocking over his private parts because the mic strap used to be around his waist -- now its on his shoulders so there's really nothing there. OMG - I can't believe I actually had that conversation with him. Anyway -- he was waiting for Diana DeGarmo because he walks her home. There's a shady part of town getting to her apartment so he's her chaperone. What a gentleman! Not too long after, Diana arrived and I got a picture with her as well. She also asked me when I was watching the show! (Now I really need to watch). For good measure I asked for one more picture: a Diana-Ace sandwich pic. Yay!
Mental note: Must watch Hair next week. Oh and Ace said he will be on the show until September.
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So yeah, back to being isolated and alone. It's very strange.
If I had someone to talk to, I probably wouldn't bother to write how I felt about tonight, and just go about with the usual "I met so and so, isn't it awesome!" or "FML I Fail OMG Slice" -- which has dominated my writing over the past few years.
After what I feel was a tough year with fans chasing me down all over the Internet because I don't agree with their points of view -- and an American Idol season where I felt like I was the only one trying to enjoy the show -- I feel more alone then ever even in this place which I poured a lot of my life in for the past 3 years.
So I look back to when I started and why. And some things look very much the same. I still feel very lucky and fascinated at my experiences here in New York City and the Internet. And I'm still trying to connect to people. I hope that maybe someone out there is still interested.
And please let me know if you are interested in a date.