Mötley Crüe is Retiring Because Apparently They Didn't Already

Credit: AP

Heavy metal band Mötley Crüe has announced their final tour and that afterward they plan to retire. Which means you can also retire your use of umlauts in their honor.

This of course comes as a surprise to many who were like, "Wait? Mötley Crüe is still together?"

The band made things official by signing a "Cessation Of Touring Agreement" at a press conference in Los Angeles. Which was held in front of fake tombstones.

Meaning that after the end of 2015 the only way to see the group live is to see the Rob Corddry cover band that needs to exist in real life: Mötley Lüe.

In addition to the men of Mötley Crüe, the band will be joined by Alice Cooper on their so-called "The Final Tour" which will coincide with a film adaptation of the band's book  The Dirt.

Said band member Tommy Lee of their departure from the music scene, "Everything must come to an end!! We always had a vision of going out with a big f—king bang and not playing county fairs and clubs with 1 or 2 original band members! Our job here is done!!!"