Modern Family - Regrets Only - Recap

Jay and Gloria try to help out after Claire and Phil get into a huge fight. The problem is, Phil has no idea what caused it. But whatever it was must have been bad enough to cause Claire to fling broccoli around the kitchen while spraying him with the fire extinguisher. Claire goes off to the mall with Jay while Phil happily stays behind with Gloria and her boobs so she can give him a haircut. She tries to get out of him what he could have done to cause Claire to snap and narrows it down to a wedge salad. Which isn't something to be mad over. They're delicious.

Cam asks Luke and Mitchell to help out with a fundraiser he's planning to try and outdo his arch nemesis Andrew. He worries about all the details and even has a cool headset microphone to talk into. He sets up the chairs, picks out the appetizers and even brings in a couple of harpists. What he doesn't count on is Mitchell forgetting to send out the invitations. Mitchell panics and tries to get anyone he can to show up. He manages to secure a few music fans and their instruments to sit in the back but it doesn't save him from Cam's screeching.

Claire hangs at the mall with her dad but he would rather be anywhere but there. Claire treats herself to a public massage and Jay looks like he wants to kill himself when Claire sounds like she's having sex during it. How can she not tell? The family decide to get together for dinner at a restaurant Haley has been pretending to work at. She figures if she pretends to make enough money, her parents will buy her a car. Things go smoothly until Phil suggests they order a wedge salad. I really feel a serenade from Gloria and her karaoke machine would have saved that evening.

Funniest Quotes of the Night:

Cam: Shouldn't you get back to Donald? That is the name of your cat right?