Modern Family - Bixby's Back - Recap

The couples each try to celebrate Valentine's Day with a perfectly romantic night but it wouldn't be a comedy if it all went well. Claire and Phil decide to reprise their role playing adventure from last year with the goal of not getting caught in an escalator. They break out the nametags at the bar and Claire leads to get ready in the hotel room. She leaves behind the room key for Phil but he doesn't pay much attention when he retrieves it. He accidentally takes the room key of an elderly lady who probably has no interest in having sex with him. He puts rose petals and champagne on the bed and waits for Claire in his underwear. The woman gets quite the shock when she gets back to her room.

Jay goes to elaborate measures to surprise Gloria this Valentine's Day. He starts off by trying to make himself look like an inconsiderate jerk for not having a reservation or anything romantic planned. They argue and bicker all the way home with Jay eagerly trying to get Gloria into the house where he has a beautiful 5 course dinner waiting for her. When she tells him she's rather leave, he hoists her onto his back and carries her inside only to find his house is empty. Jay follows Gloria to the garage where she has hijacked his romantic dinner away in order to surprise him and win their romance competition.

Cam is looking forward to his romantic day with Mitchell but finds himself already in a bad mood. Mitchell's assistant has a crush on him and has been going out of his way to sabotage their relationship. Cam confronts him in the elevator about his meddling and the assistant hugs Cam and apologizes, giving Cam the impression that his crush is actually on him and not Mitchell. Cam and Mitchell argue over which one of them is actually the hot piece of manmeat and race to the assistant's house to prove the other wrong. When they get there, Mitchell gets a text alerting him to his assistant's resignation. They decide then and there to appreciate each other and not care about petty things like that...but of course they do. :)

Funniest Quotes of the Night:

Jay imitating Gloria.

Cam: I'd like to mount your head in my trophy room