Mirror, Mirror - Review

The first of two Snow White-related films to hit theaters this year, Mirror, Mirror is a limp family flick that struggles in finding the right tone, and even the best actors in the cast don’t make it out unscathed. The movie explores (mostly) the Queen’s side of the story, even being narrated by her, but for some reason it doesn’t have quite as profound of an effect on things as it should.

For starters, the biggest thing wrong: Lily Collins as Snow White. She may be a lot of nice things, but believable as Snow White is definitely not one of them. I don’t know if it was the off-putting bushy eyebrows (which were almost equally as terrifying in Taylor Lautner’s lame Abduction) or her very blase approach to the character that soured me so much, but I just didn’t buy it for a second. The main thing Collins really lacks as Snow White is charisma and charm, which are two traits that have always been prominent in much of the creations of Snow across the years.

I really loved Julia Roberts as the evil Queen, and even when the dialogue was so cringeworthy that I wanted to scream, she still delivered the lines as if they were heavenly nectar. Still, there are some scenes that are so absurd there is just no escaping them. Who thought it would be even a slightly good idea for the Queen to be looking at a reflection of herself in the mirror? I was literally laughing out loud at how ridiculous it was that Julia Roberts as the Mirror woman who was supposed to be a reflection of the Queen was trying to kill Snow White using puppets that became real-life marionettes and attacked the dwarf hut. Yes, you read that right. Killer puppets come alive from the random magic of a mirror. There were also quite a few exchanges with the lovely Armie Hammer that baffle me as to how Roberts kept a straight face while filming.

And that brings me to poor Armie Hammer. Oh, Armie Hammer. Up until now, I’ve simply adored all of his movie choices. The Social Network: brilliant. J. Edgar: fantastic. I’ve never seen Flicka, but I’m sure he was just great as ‘Male Prefect.’ Now, Hammer simply isn’t to blame in any way for the absolute torment Prince Alcott’s character must endure in this movie. You almost have to admire someone who can so convincingly transform himself into a puppy and slobber all over Julia Roberts. No, it’s not his acting that is bad, but it’s the awful character. It’s the horrid love story. You see, this is the first tale based on Snow White in which the Queen is a love interest for the Prince, too, and this may be one of its biggest missteps. Hammer is a dashing hero, a buff good guy we can root for, but one who also has all the brains of a stuffed pillow.

It would be a crying shame not to mention Nathan Lane, who despite some really terrible characterization (why was he siding with the Queen at all? He clearly liked the king and Snow a great deal more) manages to wrangle out the very few genuine laughs Mirror, Mirror actually contains. When you hear him spouting out lines about how a grasshopper took advantage of him when he was transformed into a roach, you really appreciate how great of a method actor he is. Lane can make anything work, and that includes being inappropriately groped by a grasshopper. The dwarves are also delightfully fun, and just a single one of them has more charisma than any one scene featuring Lily Collins as Snow White. They have some clever one-liners, and even though the vast majority of them fall flat, there are a couple here and there that actually work.

Am I being a little harsh on a movie that’s clearly harmless and seemingly intended for those three and under? Maybe. But knowing how much potential could have been reaped from such an interesting premise and cast, it’s kind of a major disappointment how Mirror, Mirror turned out. If there is one aspect I can say I really enjoyed, it would be the costumes. While they were completely ridiculous throughout, it was nice to see some color. Other than the costumes and the bright and colorful aesthetic, there is very little to recommend here. Skip it, and go see Snow White and the Huntsman when it hits theaters on June 1st.