Megan Fox cast as April O'Neil in Michael Bay's "Ninja Turtles" movie

Credit: Murakami-Wolf-Swenson

"Thank the good Lord, we have Megan Fox as April O'Neil!" said no one ever.

As if in conspiracy with film studios to dash the memories of 80s kids everywhere, Megan Fox has set aside her former issues with director Michael Bay to join his big-screen adaptation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the role of intrepid, yellow-jumpsuited reporter April O'Neil.

Of course, anyone following this project has heard the stories about Bay's intention to take out the whole pesky "Mutant" and "Turtles" part of the franchise and simply have them be aliens from another dimension. To say this was met with rage from the fan community would be a disservice to the concept of rage, in general.

However, to be fair to Bay, we are talking about a series in which four pet shop turtles come into contact with a radioactive substance and are transformed into humanoid creatures, and are then taught martial arts by their equally-humanoid rat master. Even as a kid, I though the entire thing was ridiculous. But hey, leave it to Michael Bay to take something perfectly absurd to begin with, and add aliens -- or the military. Because not unlike an unwanted winter storm on your birthday weekend, you just know it's coming.

Prior to the holidays, Paramount Studios, the company behind the picture, began meeting with a wide array of talented actresses from Jane Levy to Anna Kendrick and Elizabeth Olsen, any one of whom likely would have been a better choice. Now the studio is off searching for its male lead, as the film is on track for a projected May 2014 release date.

Now excuse me while I go sulk in the corner.

Via: Variety