This is What it's Like to Go to the Oscars With Jennifer Lawrence

Ever wondered what it would be like to be Jennifer Lawrence's date to the Oscars? Well wonder no longer because her pal Laura Simpson was and wrote all about it.

Sorry Nicholas Hoult, apparently you were the secondary date.

Simpson wrote about her experience on MySpace (we know) and we're assuming J.Law is aware that she would be detailing the evening in her article "I Went to the Oscars and Nobody Cared."

First up, some back story: the two met at an event seven years ago and bonded over the fact that neither of them knew anyone and that they both love Chandler Bing.

So without further ado, here are all the best tidbits from her essay!

What they don't show you on television: "Right before you get to the red carpet, you get to Westboro Baptists with huge yellow signs of pictures of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Walker saying "BURNING IN HELL" and other despicable things. It's so surreal and hate-filled..."

On being invisible: "... Unless you are famous at the Oscars, you are completely invisible. I have never experienced anything like it. The only time anyone talks to you is if you are in the way of his or her photo. Oh and photographers on the carpet yell 'YOU IN THE HUGE DRESS, GET OUT OF THE F--KING SHOT.' It's incredible. It is no wonder actors are crazy. The carpet is filled with screaming fans and photographers who only care about you; everyone is salivating to talk to you and telling you how great you look."

How the Oscars are even worse when you're there: "... I am seated directly behind the camera's crane, so unless people are to either side of center stage, I can't see jack sh--. They mount two maybe 32" TVs on either side of the auditorium which are near impossible to see so basically everyone in the theater is just sitting in complete darkness during the categories. It's around this time that you realize you are STARVING and haven't had any food since breakfast at 9 a.m. It's hot and you feel like you're going to pass out."

What Brad Pitt smells like: "Brad Pitt smells amazing, like nothing I've ever smelled. Eventually we ask what cologne he's wearing and he tells us, 'I don't wear cologne, it's just my musk I guess.' I have to choose not to believe him because it would just be unfair to mankind."

Why Bill Murray is still the best person ever: "[I] decide to follow Bill Murray around the party. At one point he looks in my direction and winks at me while dancing to "If You Want My Body and You Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart—a moment, I now realize, my whole life had been leading up to."