Gossip Girl - Season 6 Episode 9 - Video Recap and Review - The Revengers
With only “The Revengers” left before next week’s quite possibly epic Gossip Girl series finale, the show had some serious ground to cover. I am happy to report that the sh*t hit the fan in the best way possible… a “To Be Continued” ending! What could possibly lead to a cliffhanger on this show? Someone went to jail, someone almost died, then someone actually died, now someone's on the run. Fun? To these people, yes.
The episode opened with one of Blair’s (Leighton Meester) iconic dream sequences. Back in a hazy version of old-school France that had me wondering, at first, whether my HD was screwing up, Blair and Chuck (Ed Westwick) passed an orange back and forth in the sexiest way one possibly could. Then, scary Bart (Robert John Burke) showed up to screw up everything. Even in their dreams, he’s a nightmare; the Freddy Krueger of the Upper East Side. Blair woke up fearing for Chuck’s life. Because he has no one we care about left to kill off, the show made sure to paint a vivid serial-killer caricature of Bart this week. From the voice to the vacant stares, we would come to believe Bart to be a cold-blooded killer. Run, Chuck!
In the waking world, Chuck spent yet another morning rummaging through his files on Bart Bass and coming up empty handed. A phone call with Lily revealed that they were reaching the end of their rope with regard to what they could gather from her memory of the microfilm. It also revealed that Kelly Rutherford wouldn’t be appearing on the episode. Blair showed up and reminded Chuck to play crafty. They don’t need actual evidence, they just need Bart to crack and confess on recording. Because Bart was being honored as “Man of the Year” for some of his iconic and awful real estate dealings, they would have their venue soon enough.
Meanwhile, Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgely) landed a movie deal? Did I miss something? It seemed kind of quick to be shopping for luxury apartments with Georgina Sparks (Michele Trachtenberg), but any excuse to hang out with Georgina through my television screen is enough for me. As it turned out, Dan needed a recommendation from a reputable source to move into an apartment worth living in.
Blair and Chuck scurried over to Serena’s (Blake Lively) to interrupt her latest “run-away-from-home” packing situation. Serena had planned on moving back to Los Angeles so she wouldn’t be criticized for sleeping until dinner time or sleeping around. The duo required Serena’s assistance in enlisting Ivy (Kaylee Defer) and all of her devious charade skills. Serena made fake nice with Ivy over the phone and dragged her ass back to Manhattan so that she could pretend to have copies of the microfilm. The duo, now a trio, regrouped at a bar to meet with Ivy in order to become a foursome. If Ivy wants to set foot in New York again, she’d have to agree to take down Bart with the group. Don’t forget, Bart also kind of threatened to ruin Ivy for her part in this.
As this was going down, Nate (Chace Crawford) hustled to another forced morning meeting with Bart Bass. Sage was there to cheer him up, but I still think it’s weird that the head of The Spectator wants to be taken seriously while dating a high school girl. Nate and Bart met up on the street and Nate was quick to hand over Chuck’s phone, as Bart had requested. Nate also mentioned that Chuck had been conversing with Ivy judging by his call history.
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At the bar, the gang pressured Ivy to speak with Bart on the phone. Bart, assuming this was a set-up, asked Ivy where she was and decided to “meet up.” In fact, he was on to Nate’s plan to bait him into a trap at the bar. Instead of showing up in person, Bart had the cops arrive to arrest Nate. Bart knows everything. Is Bart Gossip Girl? With the tables turned, Chuck realized his plan to use Ivy as a goat to lure out the dragon backfired. Poor Nate is the goat, now, and Chuck would have to cut a deal with Bart to have Nate released from prison. No one is safe!.. except for Serena because this entire time she was thinking about how she was getting ready to hightail it out of town “forever,” yet again.
Dan met with Bart at his apartment to discuss the possibility of Bart writing his recommendation after he’d been the only one to appreciate Dan’s sadistic satires. Bart agreed under the condition that Dan profile him positively surrounding his event; a recommendation for a recommendation! Of course, Serena and Chuck showed up just in time to catch Dan in the final stages of his metamorphosis into Upper East Side super-douche. Later, Dan would meet with Bart again to gather information for his piece. Bart, having sifted through Dan’s mail, came across the positive spin on the Serena article he’d previously lauded. Dan admitted to setting out with bad intentions with regard to getting back with Serena, yet admitted that he was only fooling himself. Allegedly, his love for her is real. Bart wanted to hurl, but managed to inform Dan that Serena was gearing up to move to Los Angeles.
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Bart and Chuck spoke privately. Bart’s terms were simple enough. Why not move to Moscow forever and ever? Chuck wasn’t having any of it and decided to find another way to pry Nate out of prison. Bart assured Chuck that his close ties with the police chairman would prevent that from happening. Still, Nate is Nate, but Blair is a different story. Blair had been sequestering Ivy over at her place when she received notice that her “samples were terrible.” In reality, Bart had fooled her into hopping into his town car so he could use her as more bait for Chuck. Once Chuck came running to find Bart on the street with Blair locked away up in some random building, he realized that Bart would never stop hurting the people around him unless he left. Bart made it clear that Blair would forever be in jeopardy while Chuck continued his “witch hunt.” The other catch? Chuck would have to take a Bass jet to Moscow. Moscow is actually code for “explosive fiery death.”
Sage went to visit Nate in jail. At least his mugshot came out nice! What a perfect opportunity to revisit this little gem:
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Chace Crawford was so sad and so high that night.
Sage called in reinforcement via Nate’s father. It’s the finale season so everyone needs to get drudged back up from the depths of tangled seasons past, right? Nate was embarrassed to admit that he was guilty of the crime he had been arrested for. His father was supportive, but no bail could be set to free Nate. His father insisted that the problem could be solved by repaying the lender and apologizing profusely. Nate knew that the true issue was Bart, though.
Blair attempted to meet Chuck on the airport runway in order to prevent him from leaving town forever, but Chuck was set on protecting his loved ones. He had no plans of leaving forever, though, unlike Serena and pleaded with Blair to trust him one last time. Chuck didn’t believe Bart would actually try to kill him. Kiss goodbye! Chair fans press “pause”!
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Livid that Bart had done away with Chuck, Blair rounded up her favorite bitches for the ultimate takedown. Could Ivy, Sage, and Georgina help Blair expose Bart in time to save Chuck? Serena was there, too. Bart can fool the FBI but not… Sage? Really? I don’t even think to credit the actress in my recaps. Fine, here you go Sofia Black D’Elia! In reality, I just hate typing that.
The ladies showed up at Bart’s event ready to kill. Probably not literally, like Bart does, but they showed up ready to severely embarrass and unapologetically mock. The girls set their phones to be ready to record and set out to stir some conversation out of Bart. Serena turned his attention to a screencap from a security tape photo that made its way into his honoree slideshow. Georgina made sure the horses he used as a cover-up for his illegal oil trading made their way into the program. Sage stole his dead business partner’s phone number and managed to creep the hell out of Bart by calling him repeatedly. Lastly, Ivy played waitress and made sure to let Bart know that she made “copies” of the microfilm.
After making Bart slightly uneasy, Serena bumped into dastardly Dan and found herself confronted regarding her getaway plan. Dan professed his love for her, but she was no longer interested. The Upper East Side changed him as a person and as a writer, and she was ready to leave “forever.” Enjoy being BFF’s with Bart Bass, Dan. Serena is moving to California and she’s going to… find something to do once she gets there?
After she brought the murdered sheik’s daughter Iman as her date, Bart decided he’d had enough of Blair’s meddling. He pulled her aside to speak one-on-one, but the conversation was cut short when a newsflash on the television screen close by revealed that a Bass industries plane had gone missing off the coast. Serena comforted Blair as Bart smugly lapped up her tears. Before we knew it, it was time for Dan to introduce Bart Bass to the crowd of his esteemed colleagues. Surprise! Dan introduced Chuck Bass instead! Grabbing the mic while he could, Chuck let the crowd know of Bart’s assassination attempt.
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Bart played calm, cool, and collected as he reminded the crowd of Chuck’s “substance abuse” issues. Even Georgina looked peeved by that one. Blair thanked Dan but refused to stop hating him. Once Dan blew Serena’s cover, though, Blair took back her gratitude and blamed Dan for Serena’s looming departure. Before Serena could leave the event, Blair had her own moment of confrontation. They’ve finally gotten to the good part of their friendship! It’s only been, like, two episodes! Maybe even just one! Blair’s argument? There is no Blair in Los Angeles. Why not just try a move to the Upper West Side?
Assuming Chuck had made good on their deal prior, Bart found himself in a confrontation of his own with Nate and his father. Nate had been released from jail, and his father had learned of Bart’s covert co-sign on Nate’s loans. Bart wouldn’t budge to help Nate. He liked screwing with him too much. Enjoy the open bar! I believe I remember Nate’s dad preferring coke. Remember when Nate was a gigolo?
Meanwhile, Bart’s security guards had locked Chuck on the roof. Bart joined him up there shortly, and we immediately thought to ourselves, “so high up. So scary.” Downstairs, Blair discovered the impromptu meeting via Georgina, who some way some how had the Bass security team by the balls.
Back at the Empire, Nate got a pep talk from his father about rebuilding his reputation and starting over. Sage looked touched as she listened in. I think it’s kind of creepy that all of these people have access to each other’s homes 24/7. Sage’s advice proved more important than his father’s, honestly. Nate still has the materials needed to out Gossip Girl. That was his intended plan in the first place, before Gossip Girl helped him locate Serena the last time she disappeared “forever.” Sage reminded him that Serena was never actually in danger and that Gossip Girl played Nate to protect her identity. Wow, as it turns out, Nate could end up having the most important storyline of the series after having next to none at all for, well, most of it.
Dan got an apartment in Serena’s building in an attempt to be closer to her. Serena was dead set on leaving and refused to fall for anymore of Lonely Boy’s schemes or schmoozes. Before she left New York “forever,” Dan slipped the copy of his positive piece on her into her bags. Just like that, “forever” became a break between episodes.
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On the rooftop, Bart’s argument with Chuck got heated pretty quickly. Citing Chuck as his one failure pushed his son to the edge, literally. After a kind of awesome speech on “what makes a man” delivered by Chuck, the two came to blows. An attempt to kill Chuck, yet again, landed Bart hanging from the edge of the building and pleading with Chuck to save his life. By this point, Blair was there to scream and gawk, too. Actually, that’s all they did. I’m not sure if Chuck intentionally let his father slip and die, but it kind of looked like he and Blair were simply in a state of panic. Bart’s final “this isn’t you” comments could have been enough to torture Chuck some more, but with the finale airing next week, I’m guessing they won’t even be mentioned. So Bart Bass isn't Gossip Girl. Bart is probably just a pile of goop.
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What did you think of the episode? Were you happy to see Bart Bass filleted for real this time? Would you rather have seen Chuck send him to prison forever? Are you ready for the return of Jenny Humphrey? How would you like to see the series end next week? Who is Gossip Girl?