Dallas - Series Premiere - Pilot: Changing of the Guard - Recap

Epic eyebrows. Hunky men. Soapy drama… It’s DALLAS! The series premiere’s first hour is chock-full of promise with snarky confrontations and a wedding. Jesse Metcalfe and Josh Henderson are the perfect rivals in this reboot of the old show.

First, a confession: I’ve never seen the original DALLAS show and probably never will. If this reboot (or continuation) is any indication of the other show’s quality, though, then I can tell how it enthralled so many audiences back in the day. It takes place two decades after the original, with many of the original cast members returning (like Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy) and some young sexy new blood (Jesse Metcalfe, Jordana Brewster, Josh Henderson).

The mood is set almost immediately; Elena wakes up John Ross pretty much flipping out; they’ve found oil, and it’s not just a little, but a CRAPLOAD! The oil is all sticky and brown-colored but for some reason it still looks sexy when it’s flowing down John Ross’s face. On the flipside, Bobby gets some bad news when he gets told that he has “a fairly rare form of cancer.” That’s just no fun, especially on someone’s birthday. What a buzzkill. Oh, the theme is rather snazzy. I dig it.

Christopher has just gotten back from Asia, and is pitching his new energy resource to some semi-interested people over tea. His sexy fiance interrupts, naturally, but before the two of them can really get it on in the girls locker room, a family friend overhears them… She basically says they should leave some mystery for AFTER they’re married. The little role-playing thing that Chris and Rebecca have going on is kind of amazing and sexy in more ways than one.

Bobby’s wife tells him that something happened between Chris and John Ross that splintered their relationship and sent Christopher packing for Asia. Bobby also surprises his wife with a cruise around the world. How thoughtful! John Ross celebrates with Elena and friends and also pays off someone for not telling his uncle about the drilling in Southfork. He also meets up with someone in bright red car rather suspiciously and tells the person inside to “stay tuned.”

Bobby sees J.R. at an assisted living home where he appears pretty much comatose, and he tells his brother that despite all the fights and issues they have, he still loves him. Aww! Back at the house, as soon as Elena and John Ross arrive, there is some major tension between Elena and Christopher. Sue Ellen also arrives for dinner, which is rather awkward especially when Elena is pretty much forced to be a bridesmaid in the Christopher / Rebecca wedding. Bobby insists that John Ross should go visit his father in the home right before dropping a big bomb: he’s going to sell the Southfork ranch!

John Ross finally tells the family that he has been drilling, and Bobby pretty much has a meltdown if not mostly because he promised his mother that there would never be drilling done on this land. Christopher and John Ross get in a huge fight as soon as Christopher’s orphan heritage is brought up. Rebecca suspects that Christopher is so angry because Elena is involved, but he convinces her that his feud lies solely with John Ross. After all this, the family is shocked to learn that “John Ross has filed an injunction over the selling of the land”, making Miss Ellie’s will void. Bobby immediately involved the authorities, who bring a court order to John Ross and force him to stop the drilling. This isn’t going to be a very short fight, methinks.

Christopher is at work when he gets a video call from a scientist in China telling him that he thinks an earthquake was triggered through the harvesting of methane. John Ross visits J.R. and as soon as he reveals everything, J.R. actually speaks out and calls Bobby a “fool” and says that Christopher “isn’t even an Ewing.” It’s clear within moments that J.R. has concocted a scheme. John Ross asks Elena to check on Christopher to see if the research he is conducting is legitimate, and she ends up waking him. He tells her about the earthquake, and that he thinks his research is totally over. She also gives him back a box with (presumably) a ring inside, and says she just wants him to be happy. When she reports back to John Ross, she just says “he doesn’t wanna talk about it.”

At night, Ann goes downstairs to get something and grabs a rifle after hearing a noise. She warns the intruder that she never misses, but he runs away with something. She finds a pillbottle on under Bobby’s desk and after looking them up is horrified to learn they are taken for stomach tumors. Someone who was working with Christopher gets payed off to give a hooded man access to his computer. He sticks in a flash drive and copies many of the files.

The next day arrives and it’s finally wedding time! Bobby meets with Marta, a woman who says her main priority is conserving land and “protecting it forever.” Christopher starts to tell Bobby about the earthquake, but doesn’t manage to get the words out before he’s interrupted (in typical “soap opera” fashion.) After Bobby warns John Ross about causing trouble, he vents to Sue Ellen, who tells him to think of her as his ally. A waiter pulls him to the side and gives him a flash drive containing the files from Christopher’s computer. After viewing them, John Ross threatens to expose Christopher if he doesn’t get Bobby to take Southfork off the market. As if two heated conversations in a row wasn’t enough, Christopher grabs Elena and takes her into a room in the house. He takes it all out on Elena, saying she has a big mouth, but she says that it wasn’t her who shared the information. Furthermore, on their wedding day, Elena received an email that she thought was from Christopher which lead to her departing on their wedding day. There was obviously some miscommunication here, but it appears that it ultimately doesn’t matter as Christopher is going to wed Rebecca. He tells John Ross that he knows it was him without specifying the situation, and then walks away. Drama, drama, drama!

Christopher tells Bobby what happened with the earthquake, and shares his thoughts that he feels he needs to earn his way into the family. Afterward, Bobby shakes Marta’s hand and finalizes his deal with her. Rebecca and Christopher get married, which is ridiculously cute. Oh, and it’s set to Adele’s “Turning Tables”, so that only ups the awesome factor. John Ross stumbles drunkenly back to J.R.’s room where he introduces him to Marta and is shocked to learn that the whole thing was a setup. “Bobby may not be stupid, but I’m a hell of a lot smarter.” The episode ends as the person in the red car is revealed to be… Marta! John Ross has been scheming with her, and promises that when this is all done, Southfork will be his. So a scheme on top of another scheme on top of a deal. Got all that?

I loved this premiere episode and it’s time to dive into the second episode of the night now. What did you think of the DALLAS premiere?