The Bachelorette - Recap: Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

Tonight's episode was equal parts cringeworthy and interesting, which is mostly par for the course for this season of The Bachelorette. But more so than many other episodes, I found myself clashing with many of the ideologies set forth here. You know, more so.

So let's get to it...

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WHINE AND CHEESE

So the group heads to Venice, Italy, where we get instant drama: Cody has basically been waiting six weeks to have a one-on-one date with Andi (later in the episode, he notes that he's been smitten with Andi since he first saw her walk out of the limo on TV "last year," despite the fact that this episode would have been filmed in March while Juan Pablo's season premiered in January, meaning "last year" is really just "two months ago." But I digress). However, Cody surprisingly doesn't get the one-on-one date, remaining the only man in the house to not receive one. Instead, the one-on-one date goes to Nick, who becomes the first guy this season to get a second one-on-one. Cody is understandably miffed, since Nick is still basically his sworn enemy. And everyone is clearly in Cody's corner, talking all sorts of smack on Nick about his arrogance. All this, while Nick and Andi enjoy a lavish day in Venice making out in a gondola, making out at the Bridge of Sighs, making out in a masquerade hall, and making out while a string quartet plays for them outside the masquerade hall. In short, Nick is, at all times, eager to make out with Andi. But it's for a good reason, as he nervously confesses that he's falling head over heels in love with her, and goes on to make amends for his standoffish attitude last week by admitting that while he doesn't see himself as a "frontrunner" (and doesn't like being called that by the other guys), he does speak with confidence about their relationship, because he believes in their connection. It's a very tactful response, and Andi eats it right up.

Now, I'm not exactly going to contend with the guys about Nick's personality, and it's not as if I'm exactly crazy about the guy myself or anything, but this episode was kind of silly with the Nick-bashing. For example, Nick gets raked over the coals at the cocktail party for being the first guy to steal Andi away, even though he already has a rose from his one-on-one date with her. The other guys argue that it's not fair, and that he should be letting one of them have time with her first. This, of course, ignores that, at the end of this show, Andi is only going to pick ONE of them, if any at all. So why the hell wouldn't you take the initiative and make a move? Maybe it's not fair in the competitive sense, but I don't really see how Nick is in the wrong here. He's not there to make sure the other guys think he's swell, it's to win Andi's heart. If they can't find a way to get to her first, then that's on them.

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THE RIGHT REASONS

Of course, I can kind of understand the frustration of the other guys, considering they were sent on a totally B.S. group date. Josh, Dylan, Chris, Brian, JJ, and Marcus are basically forced to take lie detector tests. That's it. That's the group date. A lie detector test.

Josh isn't far off when he notes that this is ridiculous, since a relationship is built on trust and Andi is pretty much giving all of them one huge vote of no-confidence by subjecting them to this instead of actually spending time with them on a real group date. Josh doesn't feel he has anything to hide, but he's still extremely uncomfortable about taking the lie detector test, because that's not what a relationship should be about. Hell, he openly wonders if he's going to be randomly subjected to a lie detector test in 30 years if he and Andi get married.

Naturally, the only thing more obnoxious than being forced to take a lie detector test is being forced to answer stupid-ass questions that are mostly subjective anyway, such as "Are you here for the right reasons?" Who defines what "the right reasons" are? Just as an example, a guy could have come to the show with the intention of sleeping with Andi and getting on TV, and in his mind, that would constitute "the right reasons" in his mind. Thus, it wouldn't show up as a lie in the lie detector test, because the question is "Are you here for the right reasons?" and not "Are you here because you're a fame whore?"

Credit: ABC

But then, not all of the questions are so subjective: for instance, we learn Dylan has slept with over 20 women, and that he's averse to washing his hands, which really doesn't bode well for his personal hygiene AT ALL. We also get Andi taking part in the lie detector test, just for the sake of fairness. Eventually, the results are handed out in two huge manila envelopes, one for Andi and one of the guys. The guys are meant to think over their choice as to what they're going to do with the results, but Brian essentially makes the choice for them by tearing the results wide open and reading them aloud, which Josh doesn't exactly agree with. For him, the results don't matter since he trusts Andi implicitly, which is why he finds it so encouraging when Andi decides to tear up the guys' results, saying that she doesn't need to read them. I'd argue this ended up all being an exercise in futility, especially since it involved one of the guys (Dylan) excusing himself after the test due to illness. But the group date did give us some moments of middling interest: we learn farmer Chris is the secret admirer who's been sending Andi all those notes (and he's tact wins him the group date rose); JJ gets into an argument with the rest of the guys when he complains that he doesn't think they should be congratulating each other for getting roses and alone time with Andi, since this is a competition, after all; Marcus confesses he thought about leaving the show early on, but decided to give it another shot (Andi thanks him for his honesty, and they're both glad he chose to stay); Brian plagiarizes the speech from 10 Things I Hate About You to get Andi swooning; and Andi continues to feel iffy on Josh because of how bothered he was by the whole lie detector test date. It's a hot mess of a night that basically has Andi questioning every connection she's made so far in the competition. But it's nothing compared to what's next...

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ONLY THE LONELY

So Cody finally gets his one-on-one date and is beyond stoked about it, saying that all he needs is one shot to make this girl fall in love with him. These prove to be prophetic words, as the resulting date goes a long way in illustrating Cody's connection with Andi...as a friend.

Andi's lack of attraction to Cody seems fairly evident from early on in their date, as her manner of speaking to him is much more friendly than intimate. For example, their date involves answering letters from people seeking romantic advice, and it leads to Andi adopting an "encouragement for your future" voice with him. What I mean by this is that when Cody writes a fairly eloquent, insightful solution to one man's letter about confidence problems, Andi takes this surprised tone with him, as if to say, "Wow! That was surprisingly good! I think that bodes well for your future chances to land a woman!" In short, it was the kind of encouraging tone you get from a friend who feels it's their task to encourage you. I'm explaining myself terribly, I know, but I can't think of another way to put it. It was a "friendly" voice that came off fairly dismissive, to the point that it stopped just shy of the "You're like a brother to me!" inflection. Which brings us to dinner...

Cody is incredibly optimistic about his chances, but as he rattles off all the reasons he's perfect for her, and how he wants to meet her family and take her to meet his, Andi stops him and tearfully explains that she just doesn't feel anything more than friendship for him. Andi says this one-on-one date was to find out if anything was there, but all she's learned from the date is what she already knows: he's an absolutely amazing guy, but not the guy for her. Cody is crestfallen as Andi continues tearfully explaining why she can't take him through to next week, adding that she think she deserves better than to be strung along (although one wonders if that's not what she's been doing. You knew good and damn well Cody wasn't the guy, Andi. And a whole lot sooner than now. I mean, come on).

And so that's it for Cody, whose bag is retrieved from the hotel room by the bellhop. Josh immediately understands the significance of this, and notes that this is the season's first elimination during a one-on-one date (and this, after the episode starts out with Cody wishing that Nick wouldn't come home from his one-on-one date). Cody is clearly hurt, but he takes it like a real man, respecting Andi's decision and wishing her well. They basically part as friends, which is a measure of respect and basic decency beyond what many people on reality shows display in similar situations. I'm not getting on the sudden, inexplicable bandwagon proclaiming him to be the next Bachelor. But honestly? This was a dramatic enough exit that I wouldn't be surprised if he were being considered. But I just don't see that season doing any kind of ratings whatsoever if he's the guy. And I say that as someone who's really grown to like Cody over the past six weeks.

Credit: ABC

ROSE BUDS

So now that pretty much none of the guys are getting along, it's time to get to the Rose Ceremony, as Andi is now tasked with eliminating just one guy, following Cody's departure. And we waste very little time in getting to the results.

The men who received roses were...

Nick
Chris
Bryan
Marcus
Dylan
Josh

J.J. THE "PANTSAPRENEUR" has been eliminated from THE BACHELORETTE!

J.J. says his goodbyes to the guys and it seems like they might be buds after all, since it's a fairly amicable departure with hugs and handshakes. Andi escorts J.J. to the limo and explains that while he's someone who's always put a smile on her face, she feels it would be unfair to him to string him along, especially with hometown dates so close. J.J. appreciates this, even though he seems like he's about to be sick. Better to be cut loose now, he says, than later. But once he's in the limo, he's every bit as devastated as one might expect. For whatever reason, he truly thought he was safe. And now he's headed home, Andi-less.

With hometown dates so close, I have no idea who goes next, but if I had to guess, I'd say Nick, Josh, and Marcus are locks for hometowns, and Brian seems like he has a pretty good shot too, leaving us with Dylan and Chris as goners. But it's harder to predict these sorts of things, so I have no idea why I'd bother trying. All in all, this was an entertaining two hours, although it did feel over-long in places. But that's going to happen with any reality dating show that gets stretched to two hours.