The Bachelorette - Recap: The Right Reasons

If The Bachelorette has taught us anything about courtship, it's that you've got to be in it for "the right reasons." Of course, we know this because this show sees fit to drill the phrase into the heads of its viewers at every opportunity. Motives are questioned, self-doubt is cultivated, and through it all, the phrase "the right reasons" is one of the universal constants. Tonight's episode seemed to exist solely to illustrate the contrast between those who were here for "the right reasons" and those who might be here for the wrong ones -- and ultimately, just how little that seemed to matter when it came to the Rose Ceremony, as one guy with questionable motives sailed through, while one guy was reduced to tears because his search for love was brought to a premature end. We also had one man leave the competition since being there for the right reasons doesn't preclude a man from having priorities. (As last week illustrated, Craig prioritized getting wasted!)

This was a decent way to kick off the two-night Bachelorette event, although why it's a two-nighter is beyond me, unless ABC is desperate to keep Sunday nights from going to pot between now and the premiere of Rising Star (which remains frustratingly vague: I mean, sure, America can raise the video wall, but what then? What's the damn prize, even? I know I could easily Google these things, but I shouldn't have to if the advertisement does its damn job). Either way, "two-night event" means more Bachelorette for us, so let's get to it...

Credit: ABC

WAN SOLO

The solo dates this week were kind of wan, at least in the "lacking vitality" part of that word's definition. I suppose it was simply the shock of two fairly down-to-Earth dates that made this seem strange, but while Andi and her gents likely had fun, neither of the solo dates tonight necessarily made for good TV. Granted, if this is a show about finding love, it makes sense to tailor a date that will allow two people to get to know one another and be silly together; but The Bachelorette still must function as a TV show. So I was left bored on one hand, and befuddled on the other.

Nick V. (who can just be "Nick" now that Nick S. is gone) goes on a low-key date around Santa Barbara, and he admits in a confessional before the date, "I don't know her, she doesn't know me. Let's be honest, what are the chances things are gonna work out here?" I mean, I can appreciate his honesty, but that's a soundbite that's far more self-aware of the inherently ludicrous nature of the premise than I thought The Bachelorette editing team would allow. Yet it somehow snuck in, and it made Nick seem a bit more likable in that he's not just immediately enamored with Andi, but rather open to having her charm him as much as she intends for him to charm her. After all, he's here for the right reasons, but that's not always good enough.

For her part, Andi expresses excitement at how nice it is to step away from all the extravagant dates and just have a normal day. They bike along the beach and up to the mountains, taking in the scenery and just hanging out, mostly. Nick says he feels he could fall for her since she's a "beautiful, impressive" woman, although he says this with such a stilted, impersonal delivery. However, he immediately wins me back by actually admitting his skepticism of the Bachelorette process to Andi. And it creates an interesting moment, as Andi somewhat defends the show by encouraging vulnerability and laying all one's emotions out on the table. Sure, she didn't stick up for the show by name, but this felt like a defense of the product itself, showing that taking a leap on a premise like this is not all that far removed from taking the leap on a potential romantic connection. Ultimately, her passion seems to be what draws Nick to her, as he claims he admits to having a crush on Andi. After dinner, they have a makeout session, and it's probably the most realistic date I've seen on one of these shows in quite some time (and, of course, Nick gets a rose for all his effort).

Not so much with "Pantsapreneur" JJ, who gets one of the silliest solo dates in the history of courtship: he and Andi dress up in elderly makeup and troll the streets to fool unsuspecting civilians into thinking they're actually old people who've been married for fifty years. For this deception, they decide to adopt the voices of people who've been smoking for 50 years too. They ask strangers to take their picture, they run around with a football, JJ does pushups with Andi sitting on his back, and then he picks her up onto his shoulders, which I suppose is supposed to be a way to confuse spectators since real old folks shouldn't be able to do stuff like that (although it wouldn't surprise me if Bruno Sammartino could do all that and more).

They race around on Hoverounds and kiss on a tire swing, chatting about what it would be like to be married in 50 years. JJ then wins the universe by presenting Andi with a Werther's Original, the official candy of old folks everywhere (throw in a Riesen and he'd have himself a marriage right now). They then ride a carousel before having dinner in their normal clothes, putting an end to the tiresome business of being old for the day, although it does lead to JJ getting in one killer line about how he wants to do this with Andi "until those wrinkles are real." It's subtly sweet, but not cheesy, and although it was in a confessional -- meaning Andi didn't hear it -- I'd like to think it's what earns JJ his rose. Hey, she knows he's here for the right reasons, after all.

Credit: ABC

VOICE II DREAD

A lot of this episode has to do with dudes trying to mark their territory, as the men who received early solo dates are starting to get leery of the guys who are getting dates now. Eric, for example, is worried his connection with Andi might be fading in her eyes, while Marcus is straight-up jealous of Nick's one-on-one date. He hopes his name will be left off the group date list since it will mean he's in the running for a one-on-one date. However, when Marquel reads the group date list, he's not so lucky, as the names are: Brian, Marquel, Cody, Tasos, Brett, Ron, Josh, Eric, Patrick, and Marcus.

The group date this week features the guys singing at an outdoor concert with Boyz II Men, which is an awesome date but in no way related to actually spending time with the person you're trying to win over. The men themselves are also sort of dreading the date, since only Bradley has any musical ability whatsoever. I mean, Tasos can sing a bit, as evidenced by his talent for staying on pitch in rehearsal. But then, he sort of s***s the bed during the actual performance, so I guess it's a bit of a wash. However, this date does have one positive in that I actually believe the guys this time when they talk about being fans of that week's musical guest. When listening to Boyz II Men sing "I'll Make Love To You," Disney Prince Eric charmingly notes, "I touched my first butt in 7th grade to this!"

And so the guys split into groups, with half of them dressed as if they're in the "I'll Make Love To You" music video and the other half dressed like they're in "Motownphilly." But the outfits don't matter, since they'll all be singing the same song. Terribly. Even Andi has trouble holding her one note, as Wanye from Boyz II Men tries to give her a part in which she'll sing the word "Yeah" during each verse of the chorus...only to discover that's not exactly going to work out. (For a second, it seemed like they were asking her to be a part of performing "Mockingbird" and not "I'll Make Love To You")

At the performance that day, Bradley starts things off, since he's the only one who knows how to sing. But it's rare for an opera singer to be able to sing pop music, and Bradley illustrates this with a rough first verse of "I'll Make Love To You." Worse, in dedicating the performance to Andi, he calls her "Big Girl," which...I mean, the guy has the smoothness and flow of choppy white water rapids. Still, he's leagues better than everyone else, holding a killer note at the end, even while Marcus forgets the words, Tasos renders himself unintelligible by holding his microphone upside down, and everyone sashays back and forth in tuneless turbulence. Boyz II Men say if this is a representation of what she has to choose from, Andi should probably just leave the show alone. And, as they did with their albums in the 90s, Boyz II Men once again brings the truth (mostly).

Credit: ABC

FAMILY EMERGENCY

Once back at the house, things turn tragic. Ron is on the phone with someone named Mary, and while he's pacing back and forth outside the mansion, Ron waves away the cameras to request some privacy. The guys notice Ron's worried state and hope he's okay, making vague reference to a family emergency that hasn't been resolved. Ron comes back in the house and starts packing, yet it isn't until he's about to head out the door that the guys learn what's happened: one of Ron's closest friends has passed away. He announces he'll be leaving the show, since his head just isn't in it anymore. Eric looks absolutely gutted to lose Ron, in one of the more tragically portentous shots of the season, and the men all say their goodbyes.

Ron's departure following the death of his friend prompts Dylan to sadly reflect on his own tragic backstory. As he explains to farmer Chris, his brother and sister passed away from drugs at a young age. Apparently, Dylan's sister was a heavy user and ended up getting their younger brother hooked. He recalls getting the phone call from his uncle that his brother was in the hospital, and coming down to intensive care to find his mother weeping on the floor. Dylan can hardly finish the story before breaking down, and how he's even able to keep it together is beyond me. He's a far stronger man than I would have been in the same situation, and seriously, my heart goes out to the guy. I can't even imagine.

In a sense, these sorts of interludes help ease the show off its silliness and reorient us back into the real world, as these are actual people and not just reality show stereotypes (although I guess the "real person"/"reality show stereotype" labels don't have to be mutually exclusive).

Once Andi returns from her date with JJ, she gives a speech about how much each of the guys mean to her, even getting a little choked up in the process. They then all partake in a toast to Ron, although one thinks they should have toasted Ron's late friend. But that's neither here nor there. It was a sweet gesture, if nothing else.

Credit: ABC

NOTHIN' BUT A NUMBER

Speaking of silliness undercut with solemnity, Andi gets one-on-one time with each of the guys at the cocktail party, and it creates some moments of weirdness and drama. For instance, Andi plans to mess with Cody by stirring up drama, telling him that the other guys are saying he has a girlfriend. It's such an incredibly random thing to do, and while Andi immediately reveals to him that she was just making the story up, I have no idea why Cody wouldn't then say, "The hell? Who does that?!" But nope, he's charmed by it and says it shows him that Andi likes to have fun, or some kind of platitudinal nonsense. Meanwhile, Marquel asks Andi what her favorite color is ("Is black a color?"), and Brian promises Andi she has his full, open heart ("Awwww" is Andi's response, and for a moment I feared she'd give him the ultimate friendzone line by following it up with "Thanks"). Back in the lounge, Andrew talks about how he's yet to see any flaws in Andi, with all the other guys sitting around and nodding in assent as Nick wrings his hands, worried about potentially losing Andi to one of these other guys. Marcus is having the same concerns. Naturally, they both choose to do something about it.

Nick has arranged to have flowers sent to Andi. However, they arrive during her alone time with Eric, which flusters him and completely throws him off his game. Yet Nick suffers no repercussions for interrupting her alone time with Eric, as Andi showers him with smooches for his thoughtfulness (and for the note he included, which talks about what a wonderful date they had, and other such saccharine sweet verbiage). Marcus, meanwhile, takes a more direct approach by simply pulling Andi aside and talking with her about their connection, declaring his feelings and giving her a kiss...and a note, since apparently, letter writing isn't entirely dead as a method of courtship. Josh also takes Andi aside, as they makeout on a couch. No, seriously, that's mostly all they do, with Andi asking Josh what it is he likes about her, to which he responds, "Everything." Cue more smooches. In short, all three guys assure Andi that they're here for the right reasons and that they really feel something with her, with some of them even using that exact wording (or near enough).

These moments are instantly contrasted with the drama surrounding Andrew, as JJ reveals to Josh that, on the very first night, Andrew got a hostess's number and then bragged about it to the other guys. Josh is livid but wants to hear Andrew's side of the story, and so he and JJ confront Andrew together. However, Andrew quickly storms off when he realizes what they're confronting him about, as the guys curse each other out amid accusations that Andrew isn't "manning up." But Andrew inevitably comes around, saying he's one to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, whether they're "a dork, an a**hole, a nerd" or whatever (which begs the question of what Andrew has against geeky guys that two of the only supposedly inferior types he can think of are "dork" and "nerd"). Andrew admits he was handed a phone number on the first night, although he claims he didn't brag, but simply told the others. But this doesn't assuage Josh, who feels Andrew isn't here for the right reasons. Without naming JJ specifically, Josh tells Andrew that he wouldn't have sat on that information for a week, and says he would have straight-up confronted Andrew had he known, since getting another woman's number is disrespectful to them and to Andi. For his part, Andrew says he realizes now that this is a real competition, and that they can pretend to be friends all they want, but each man is out for himself (well, obviously. It's not as if you're all going to share Andi like a rare baseball card you all chipped in for).

Credit: ABC

ROSEY DISPOSITION

At the Rose Ceremony, the concept of who's here for the "right reasons" is thrown into stark relief, as a guy who's been accused of being here for the wrong reasons makes it in over a guy who actually breaks down following his elimination, in one of the episode's most unexpected moments.

In the call-out order, the men who received roses were...

Marcus
Brian
Marquel
Tasos
Cody
Patrick
Chris
Eric
Dylan
Andrew

BRADLEY and BRETT have been eliminated from THE BACHELORETTE!

On his way out, Brett recognizes that his failure to connect with Andi was his own doing, since he was shy and reserved for most of the time. Bradley, however, doesn't take it anywhere near as stoically, declaring, "I showed her I was open, I showed her I was vulnerable, and it wasn't good enough." He breaks down into tears, saying, "I love to be loved, and I love to love," before adding, "I really wanted it." I feel bad for the guy, but this really felt like he was auditioning to be the next Bachelor. And I'm sorry, but I'm Team Marquel on that front.

So what did you think of tonight's episode? Sound off in the comments!