Bachelor In Paradise - Recap: All Eggs In One Basket

Recap and results of Bachelor In Paradise Episode 4:

Tonight is night one of a two-night Bachelor In Paradise event, which seems to mean that we're in for some kind of freakishly over-the-top drama. But it's going to take a lot of insanity to top last week's episode, as Chris B. and Elise high-tailed it out of Paradise to presumably start some kind of life together (or just bang a lot, whichever comes first).

So who will get the boot tonight? And which new arrivals will shake things up? The girls are back in control this week!

AFTER THE ROSE CEREMONY

After the Rose Ceremony, Michelle is still overwhelmed by Chris B. giving her his rose on his way out. She's touched and sees it as a gift. But more than that, she also sees it as an opportunity, as she feels it's a chance to win Robert over. However, when Robert gets a date card, he asks Sarah out instead. Naturally, Michelle is devastated and spends the time not only crying about her lousy lot in Paradise, but also being passive-aggressive with Sarah while helping her get ready for her date, doing her braids for her and lamenting how rejected she feels by Robert. Yes, this will totally end well.

Credit: ABC

AS FOR RIGHT NOW

So Sarah goes out with Robert, and it's the kind of harmless sailing trip that is probably lovely for the daters, but boring television for viewers. However, we do learn a bit more about what both Robert and Sarah are thinking about their situation: On the one hand, Robert doesn't seem to notice how upset he's made Michelle by choosing Sarah. On the other, he probably doesn't care either way, since the indication is that he's all-in with Sarah, explaining that he finds her inner strength sexy. For her part, Sarah is just happy to be with Robert and have her own "guy" in the house.

Yet Robert and Sarah are pretty much the only two people things are going well for, as Michelle has her hopes dashed by yet another new arrival. Cody from Andi's season arrives on the beach, and immediately overlooks Michelle to ask Claire out, because Everybody Loves Claire or something. Claire just to pass the buck by saying she's technically in a "relationship" with Zack, but Cody is adamant, insisting that it won't hurt just to see where things go. And he's right. It's been less than a week, and Claire has already decided she's seen everything she's needed to see in Paradise, and is ready to hitch her wagon to some guy she, frankly, doesn't know all that well. It was crazy when Chris B. did it last week, and it's crazy now that Claire is putting all her eggs in one basket, since this is what got her burned with Juan Pablo. So Claire asks for time to talk it over with Zack, and this is where things start to get downright cringeworthy...

Claire wants to hear that Zack doesn't want to see other girls, but he can't really give her that certainty. When Claire asks if Zack would be hesitant to go on the date if the shoe were on the other foot, he says it would "depend on the girl." This sends Claire into an uproar, as she realizes that she and Zack aren't on the same page. She's ready to commit, but feels Zack doesn't know what he wants. And it certainly comes across that way, as he keeps saying moronic things, such as that he's committed to Claire "as of right now," implying that things could change with a new arrival. Claire feels Zack has essentially misled her, as she put "all [her] eggs in one basket" for someone who didn't have all their eggs in her basket (this somehow sounds even dirtier in the actual show, as they go on about eggs and baskets for north of two minutes). Zack worries he may have blown things with Claire, who declares that she wants a man who knows what he wants, and wants to be there only for her. Of course, she says this, and yet she rejects Cody, who states Claire is the exact reason he came to Paradise in the first place. Cody takes it well though, and offers his date card to Marcus -- an act which suddenly has Claire rethinking her stance on Cody, as this action shows his maturity or that he's "stepping up" or whatever it is Claire decides she's into about a guy this week.

Credit: ABC

THE "L" WORD

Marcus goes on his date with Lacy, and it's all a big buildup to Marcus declaring his feelings, which Lacy has been waiting for since half past forever. However, despite saying in confessionals that she wants to tell Marcus she loves him, she's too nervous to reciprocate. Yet someone who isn't too nervous to reciprocate is Zack, who decides to pull Claire aside and tell her how he really feels. He tells her he felt a little nauseous after their talk earlier, saying that the thought of her with another guy made him sick. Claire feels this is all well and good, but she doesn't seem to totally believe him when he says that she's the only one he wants to be with here. Not that she doesn't eventually come around on Zack when he insists that he takes what they have together very seriously. And because this displays Claire's primary turn-on -- a guy "stepping up" -- she takes Zack back.

But one person who's getting no play is the latest new arrival -- Kalon from Emily Maynard's season of The Bachelorette. Apparently, everyone still remembers his behavior on the season, getting kicked out of the house for claiming Emily had "baggage" because she had a daughter. Granted, even if he hadn't disgraced himself with that display, he'd still be a complete non-entity in Paradise due to his abhorrent attitude, talking about all the things he'd do to the women there (particularly Michelle) and comparing Paradise to a bar where a reformed alcoholic gets to have his first drink in years. Michelle Money initially accepts Kalon's date request due to a lack of options for herself, but eventually goes back on her decision and declines the invitation out of respect to her friend, Emily (since Kalon apparently posted a picture online from a baggage claim with the caption, "Waiting for Emily," which apparently really upset the former Bachelorette). So, at a loss for anyone to ask out, as he gets rejected by literally every woman there, Kalon decides to go on the franchise's first-ever one-on-none date. And it's exactly as ridiculous as it sounds, as Kalon gets to go spelunking in a huge cave, remaking on how he's never repelled into a giant Mexican hole before, but he's repelled into a tight one. (Ugh...this guy) He proceeds to spend the date having conversations with himself, parodying the kinds of talks people have on dates in this show. And his self-absorption pretty much illustrates why he never gets asked.

In short, Kalon needs to be less like Kalon and more like the latest new arrival, Jesse Kovacs from Jillian's season. He goes on a date with Jackie, drawing nervousness from Marquel, who is concerned about this possible threat to his connection with her. Naturally, Jackie and Jesse seem to really hit it off on their date, which is basically a dinner in a Mayan cave followed by slow dancing to live music. Jesse seems like a cool guy, although I wouldn't say he's as charming as Marquel, or as interesting, so I'm not sure what he's worried about. Then again, there's no accounting for what others are into, so Jesse might have something that Marquel doesn't, in Jackie's eyes.

Credit: ABC

IN THE OCEAN

So AshLee goes and mouths off to Zack about how he shouldn't tie himself down, since Claire's reputation precedes her. She specifically references Claire going out into the ocean with Juan Pablo on the most recent season of The Bachelor, suggesting that she went all the way with him. Zack says AshLee doesn't know that, and he's right -- AshLee doesn't know for sure. But she remains adamant...at least until she realizes there are hidden cameras surrounding their location, because AshLee is apparently just now realizing she's on a reality show. Zack makes the astute observation that AshLee is the most aware of the cameras out of anyone in Paradise, as she very carefully measures her behavior when the cameras are on her.

AshLee's comments later suggest that she really is quite obsessed with how she comes across, as she says that she tries very hard to keep from as Claire inevitably finds out what was said and goes absolutely nuclear, confronting AshLee over her comments. AshLee apologizes to Claire, and while it's kind of a weak-willed, useless apology, Claire accepts it anyway, in the interest of moving on, since this has been negatively affecting her relationship with Zack, who wants to be as far away from all this "girl drama" as possible. And I don't blame him, since Claire takes him to task over things that he couldn't really help. I mean, what did Claire really expect him to do or say? If he had warned her about AshLee's comments without telling her what they were about, like she suggested he should have, I just can't imagine she wouldn't still be upset with him for his vagueness. It's a real catch-22 situation.

And it leads into the...

Credit: ABC

ROSE CEREMONY

Basically, just moments before roses are to be handed out, Michelle learns that her "best friend" Graham doesn't know about AshLee's treachery, and decides to tell him about it since she doesn't want him to accept AshLee's rose (since she's now in a position to dictate what Graham does or doesn't do). Graham is stunned to learn about AshLee's comments, and to discover that she's a rumor-monger. And so he begins to rethink whether he actually does want to accept her rose or not. While all this is going on, Cody reaffirms his connection to Michelle (feeling he actually has a better connection with her than he would have had with Claire), Marquel worries about Jesse encroaching on his relationship with Jackie (while not doing a whole lot to actually combat it), and Claire and Zack appear to be at odds over how the entire AshLee situation was supposed to be handled.

This bring us to the ceremony itself, as we get the usual results, such as Marcus receiving Lacy's rose, Zack getting Claire's, and Graham receiving AshLee's. However, he has doubts about accepting it. In a result that probably shouldn't be as shocking as the show is making it out to be, Graham storms off to go think things over, leaving AshLee flapping in the breeze, confused. Michelle gives chase to see what's wrong as this is apparently TO BE CONTINUED...

So what will Graham do? Whom will Jackie choose? And what about the other guys still waiting to hear their names called at the Rose Ceremony? We'll find out tomorrow when Bachelor In Paradise continues!