Awkward. - Recap: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Whore

Sadie Saxton (Molly Tarlov) was in fine form tonight, was she not? Awkward. saddled Saxton with arch nemesis Tamara (Jillian Rose Reed) aka gingerskank, while Jenna (Ashley Rickards) and Matty (Beau Mirchoff) struggled through the consequences of living under the same roof. At least, Jenna found herself exhausted following the sapping of any sense of mystery from her beau, while Matty reveled in his seemingly endless stay at Resort Hamilton. Sex and pasta, what more could he wish for? Every pleasure has a pitfall, it seems. Style-cramping would drive Jenna to the point of bursting… literally.

MTV "Awkward"

The episode opened with what seemed like a dream scenario for our lead couple. Matty and Jenna were living under the same roof and with her parents’ permission. While the readily available sex was mostly thwarted by a constantly observing Kevin Hamilton (Mike Faiola), Jenna’s lips were chapped from all of the constant kissing she’d been doing. That was merely the beginning. Shower hog Matty drove Jenna to use the kitchen sink to wash her hair. By the time Tamara had picked a strand of angel hair from the back of Jenna’s head, she’d had enough. Swapping out her DVR settings for The Real Housewives in favor of ESPN was the last straw. Matty would have to go. In the meantime, Matty was busy filling Jake (Brett Davern) in on how amazing life living with Jenna was. He hadn't overstayed his welcome at all!

Tamara, meanwhile, found herself snubbed of an invite to Sadie’s slumber party for the cheerleading elite. Lissa (Greer Grammer) did her best to cover for Saxton, who wanted Tamara nowhere near her bed, but we all know how it usually goes when the pressure is placed on Lissa’s shoulders. Tamara would weasel her way in, whether Sadie liked it or not. From alternate to ultimate, but probably not.

MTV "Awkward"

Mr. Hart (Anthony Michael Hall) continued his literary lambasting this week, as Colin’s (Nolan Funk) time at the top of the pack had come to an end. Jenna, waning in and out of a nap following an utter lack of sleep at home, was asked to comment on Colin’s work, a piece about dropping acid out in the wild, to which she managed to barely utter out “obvious” and “pretentious” before passing out. Hart doodled a moustache on her face before sending the class off for the day, much to Sadie’s pleasure. Surprisingly, Colin was thankful for Jenna’s candor in class, claiming to have appreciated her feedback. Tit for tat, so Colin tipped Jenna off to the marker moustache before bidding her farewell. I’m still getting strong vibes signaling a budding romance here. I know Jenna and Matty are seemingly solid, but there needs to be some action beyond the expected drama of the week.

Val (Desi Lydic) was also on hand to offer Jenna some of her sage advice. As an expert on getting men to leave her house, Val suggested some sufficiently Awkward. maneuvers, including baby talk during sex, to which Jenna responded with a resounding, “I want him to move out, not move on!”

Back at home, Jenna found herself in desperate need of some serious alone time. With her stomach grumbling, she reached for a pile of gossip rags she’d yet to read her way through while, you know, “relieving herself.” It’s only natural, of course, but Matty’s practice was cancelled. Jenna, on the brink of bursting, literally, couldn’t hold it in any longer. The lack of personal space was driving her crazy, and amidst her desperate explanation came… a fart. After writing that out, I feel like I should bleep it. My recap feels dirty now! I’ve never felt like this before, and there is a lot of sex on this show. Some of it even takes place in the trash heap behind the bleachers. In the end, Matty cracked some inappropriate dude jokes that managed to break the ice without making things uncomfortable for Jenna. Suddenly, things were looking up, and Hamilton felt she could be more honest with her need for time apart within the house. Thus, she was free to enjoy all of the perks that came along with living with Matty, including, the sex.

To celebrate, the two decided to try something different, something dirty. With all of the gross butt talk going on, I was sure it would be, well, you know… but thankfully it was just some soft-core porn! Asian Persuasion 9 wouldn’t cut it. Sorry, Ming! The two settled on Harry Potter and the Half Blood Whore. The kink seemed all fine and dandy to begin with, but Jenna started feeling sorry for the girls in the video. Nobody dreams of growing up to be the woman who sleeps with strange men on camera. Those girls don’t have a boyfriend’s house to run to when the going gets tough! Suddenly, Matty was looking sufficiently humiliated, and Jenna realized she’d inadvertently pushed the wrong button. Outside of his bathroom sanctuary, Jenna knocked and attempted to coerce Matty to forgive her. That is, until she reasoned that he was probably just “shaking the creamer.” When Matty did reveal himself, though, it was a different story entirely. Matty McKibbin had been crying his eyes out, and Jenna realized what he needed most... was a mom. The resulting heart-to-heart between Matty and Jenna’s mother Lacey (Nikki Deloach) was just what the boy needed to face his parents, who’d yet to even call to check up on him. As Lacey explained, parents are people, and pride can make them to crazy things too. Sometimes, kids need to clue them in as to what they need.

Jake dropped Tamara off at Sadie’s, much to his own dismay. Tamara was dead set on cracking the inner sanctum, even if it meant crashing at Sadie’s for the night. Inside, Tamara found her worst-case scenario; Sadie and Lissa were the only two to show up. The rest of the girls were through with Sadie’s sadistic way of keeping them in line now that she couldn’t buy their affection with spa treatments. Sadie’s quip about Jake tasting like Jenna prompted Tamara to dish it back. Did Ricky Schwartz taste like her? That was enough to send Sadie to the supernatural dark side for answers, whipping out her spirit board as a direct line to Ricky Schwartz. Sadie and Tamara went back and forth asking Ricky questions from the beyond, which was admittedly hilarious to witness. In the end, the duo managed to uncover that Ricky was indeed no accident, but a freaked out Lissa smashed the board to pieces before the two could conjure up more answers. Outside, Lissa ran into Jake, who’d driven back to pick up Tamara early. There, she admitted to feeling like she was being punished for her sins after losing her virginity that past summer. I very much like where the show has taken Lissa. She could have been so one dimensional, but ever since Jenna joined her for the church camp retreat last season, she’s continuously improved as a character.

MTV "Awkward"

https://twitter.com/mollytarlov/status/331956151472238593

My favorite part of episode 5 had to be the scene where Sadie and Tamara fought over sleeping arrangements. Sadie, obviously, did not want the gingerskank skitch anywhere near her bed, but Tamara’s bad back made sleeping in the dog’s bed impossible. If it meant shutting her up, Sadie would come to allow Tamara to sleep with her, so long as she promised not to touch. To me, the “what the f***” moment of Sadie waking up to find self-proclaimed snuggle bug Tamara on top of her took the cake. Tamara, having spent enough time in the Saxton house to realize the rumors of the Saxton family problems were true, promised to keep Sadie’s secret for fear of having her neck broken too. In my opinion, "Indecent Exposure" featured Sadie's funniest moments yet during Season 3. I'm filing a request for more "you're welcomes," though!

The episode closed with Matty leaving Hamilton’s house with a goodbye kiss from Jenna. The two were on good terms, and Matty had learned a lesson about family from a seemingly unlikely source. Jenna’s mother sure has shaped up since the show put her through the ringer last season, huh? As I said in my last recap, the more bimbo nonsense they cut out in favor of positive parental laughs, the better.

What did you think of Awkward. Season 3 Episode 5, “Indecent Exposure”? Do you think Colin will pose a threat to Matty? Do you think Sadie and Tamara will end up unlikely friends? Do you like where the show has taken Lissa and Lacey?

Thanks for reading my Recap and Review of Awkward. Season 3 Episode 5, “Indecent Exposure”!