American Horror Story: Coven - Recap: Guest Starring the Voice of Stevie Nicks

Episode 2 of American Horror Story: Coven, “Boy Parts,” proved that these girls will put Sabrina the Teenage Witch to shame. Season 3 has already taught us that there’s nothing quite like the concept of infusing angst-ridden teenage girls with super powers, is there? We delved deeper into the stories of some of our leads, and saw twists and turns across the historical streets of New Orleans that, in typical AHS fashion, left us wondering just who we’re supposed to be rooting for. The Minotaur lives! Or, well, he at least looks like he’s alive, as does half of the rest of our cast. “The only thing you have to be afraid of… is me.” Here is the Recap and Review of Season 3 Episode 2 of American Horror Story: Coven, “Boy Parts”!

FX "American Horror Story: Coven"

What’s more terrifying; an ageless bloody Minotaur or a former Hollywood starlet with a love for vodka and bitchcraft? Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) continued to stir the pot this week at this Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, but Episode 2 partly opened with another awesome introduction to Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe), whose role as mathlete turned manager of a burger joint ended up alerting the staff at said academy to her gifts as a witch. Queenie, upon ending up on the receiving end of a barrage of nasty complaints and insults from a gluttonous customer, would stick her entire arm in the scorching oil of the deep fryer. The human voodoo doll feels no pain and suffers no wounds, but the man who’d relentlessly attacked her for an extra chicken nugget certainly felt the bubbling burn. Next thing you know, Queenie has graced us with her presence, sharing her own tale in a present-day group session, much to Madison’s dismay. Where’s the sisterhood?

Bitch, I will eat you!

Most important to note is that Queenie is a Charmed fan. American Horror Story, I know you’re cutthroat and sometimes downright evil in the ways that you induce suffering on our favorite characters, but if you do anything to Queenie… Well, what am I going to do about it? Recap it with a sad face? In truth, Queenie is a descendant of Tituba, a slave possessing magical gifts whom we’d later come to learn more about. I’m sure she can handle herself just fine, especially considering the fact that she’s seemingly invulnerable to just about anything, especially the bitchtastic barbs of Madison Montgomery.

FX "American Horror Story: Coven"

Usually when we witness a meltdown of catastrophic proportions on a dramatic series, we’re privy to the fact, due to the cliché factor, that said meltdown is a farce, nothing more than a daydream meant to scare us in brief. This is, however, American Horror Story: Coven, and we’re dealing with witches of unknown levels of power. Thus, anything could happen! When the police arrived to question Madison and Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) regarding their involvement in the bus tragedy, Zoe began to come apart at the seems. Photos linking her to the bloody death of a survivor at the hospital seemed to incriminate her beyond explanation, and the girl burst into a full-on confession. The panic caught the attention of Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange), who was quick to spit in a few glasses of tap water, a classic witch maneuver, like clockwork. The officers responsible for the interrogative “talk” were forced to down the potion for fear of having their brains scrambled like eggs, but why would Fiona even need to break a sweat microwaving anything? Memories were wiped, and brains remained merely half-baked, not that Madison or Zoe were aware. From the privacy of their bedroom, Madison unleashed all hell on Zoe for her blatant stupidity in exposing them as witches. I have to say, Madison can be the most beautiful of she-beasts at times, but she was spot on here. Zoe had virtually exposed their people and confessed to multiple murders. Plus, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I would have assumed Kyle (Evan Peters) would have partook in the brutal gang rape that so heavily marked the Season 3 premiere. Call me cynical. I’m not saying the death sentence due to a mere assumption was required, but I’d have made the same assessed deduction considering the circumstances and all of the booze that was involved. Perhaps most importantly, Fiona came in to scold the girls for their incompetence, delivering the line of Episode 2:

The only thing you have to be afraid of… is me.

What would any of this bickering between roommates matter, in any case? Madison Montgomery has a cranberry vodka-soaked heart of, well, fool’s gold? Cubic Zirconia? She nearly played a cat burglar in a movie once but still recalled the skills required to pick locks. Recognizing that Zoe had put her own neck on the line to avenge her new roomie, Madison decided to pay her back in full with a trip to visit her fallen lover. Of course, raising Kyle from the dead in the back of a dingy morgue was certainly made terribly more difficult when the two girls found the entire fraternity in several dozen pieces. Yikes, Kyle, you’ve seen better days. Still, Evan Peters, your charm radiates through your severed head and mounds of guts. What an actor!

Find me a saw.

FX "American Horror Story: Coven" Madison had managed to swipe a spell right from under Cordelia’s (Sarah Paulson) nose, a spell that would require a vacation to the dark side if all should go according to plan. From the satanic looking bloody symbol to the swirling incantation, Madison certainly knew what she was doing. My favorite part of the ritual was that, of course, Madison used Zoe’s blood with a quick swipe of a blade to complete the task. When it comes to binding your soul to Beelzebub in order to resurrect someone else’s dead frat boy, why risk it? At first, the spell seemed to be a total flop. Perhaps their powers weren’t strong enough yet? Perhaps Madison had misread the ancient texts?

I’ve been acting since I was five. I know my lines.

Well, never mind.

FX "American Horror Story: Coven"

Meanwhile, Fiona continued to keep her captive, Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates), a total secret. Bound and gagged, LaLaurie began to learn of the current situation and of Fiona’s quest for her voodoo fountain of youth. We’d learn more of LaLaurie’s own tale of terror this week, as she took us back to complete the night that would see her endless doom. After rising from her quick fainting spell, she was beckoned outside by the sound of an angry mob. The loved ones of the slaves this woman had so ruthlessly tortured wanted their justice. Unafraid, presumably because this is the type of woman who revels in the faux invulnerability social status renders the rich and foolish, she strutted into the street to meet her enemies. Of course, Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) stood at the forefront, pleased to point out the hanging corpses of LaLaurie’s dead daughters and scummy husband. It would be an eternal life buried beneath the cobblestones of her town that would serve as the tormentor’s punishment, an infinite amount of days to remember the sight of her daughters’ painful suffering in the name of vengeance.

I would say that an eternity buried alive was, indeed, Hell on earth, but the sight of the gorgeous fried chicken wings brought forth by Fiona in the present would come in at a close second. Why punish the rest of us, Ryan Murphy and writer Tim Minear? And you had her turn them down? The only perk of living forever would absolutely be eating forever.

FX "American Horror Story: Coven"

Eventually, Fiona would begin her search for Marie Laveau in the Ninth Ward of New Orleans, stumbling upon the voodoo queen’s poppin’ new beauty shop. Marie Laveau has, as it seems, gone into hiding in hopes of living a quiet life. As Fiona recalled, her empty grave stands as a testament to her legacy, drawing the hopes and prayers of those wishing to draw on her gifts while Laveau has spent her last century developing a talent for styling stellar weaves. By the way, Angela Bassett looks amazing as a modern-day Marie Laveau. I love that American Horror Story: Coven is taking advantage of the concept of immortality by updating historical figures. This was a brilliant idea and it brings light to a show that can so easily veer into some pretty bleak territory, however fun AHS always remains for us. We learned more regarding the historical rivalry between voodoo and witchcraft here, as Laveau filled us in on the story of Tituba, the slave who’d inevitably bestowed her gifts upon the witches of Salem only to suffer betrayal. Hmm… Can we expect Queenie to get caught in the crossfire of Fiona’s quest for immortality? Will she be forced to choose sides? Their initial reaction ended in nothing more than a few wigs on fire and some fighting words shared between the two powerful matriarchal figures, but they will meet again. Fiona has the key in LaLaurie, and Marie Laveau privately reintroduced us to her love, The Minotaur! I’m very interested in this Big Bad. I’m so curious as to why he’s now cursed to be this makeshift monster forever.

FX "American Horror Story: Coven"

Cordelia shared her own personal struggles with us during Episode 2. She and her husband, Hank (Josh Hamilton), have been struggling to conceive a child. After failed attempts at fertility options, it seemed the two were forced to choose between the invasive In vitro procedure and capitalizing on Cordelia’s skills as a witch. The latter would, needless to say, win out. What a no brainer! Right? I so thoroughly enjoyed the procedure of the spell she’d cast to conjure the power required to get pregnant. The two got hot and heavy from within a circle bound by ash, snake eggs, and candles. The sex scene that would unfold was unbelievably entertaining, as the couple deeply kissed, shared blood, and found themselves intertwined with countless snakes. In the end, it would seem the entire ordeal was an illusion brought forth by the magic. Meaning, it was made clear that the spell was most likely adequately cast, yet required no cleanup. How convenient! I’m just going to go out on a limb here, though, in reminding everyone that it’s usually not a positively great sign when a witch’s eyes are engulfed in blackness during some sort of taboo ritual. I remember you, Dark Willow from Buffy! Well, there’s nothing like a demonic impregnation to spice up a series! Let’s take a look back to American Horror Story Season 1. What kind of bogus bun could be baking in Cordelia? Now I’m simply aching for a Connie Britton appearance.

As it turned out, Madison and Zoe might not have been as incompetent as it initially seemed! Madison stepped out for a quick smoke but a looming security guard prompted her to get the hell out of dodge. Yeah, getting caught defiling the severed bodies of frat boys isn’t a good look for anyone, let alone a star! Zoe would take the fall for about a moment before Franken-Kyle would arise from his hospital table, bludgeoning the poor sap to death. This was our first true look at Evan Peters as this Frankenstein’s monster of sorts, and this could be his best role on AHS yet. He hasn’t even spoken a peep, yet he’s playing the role of a man spliced together from the corpses of many so well. That’s the reality of how things would work if puzzle-piece necromancy were at all possible. Someone’s brain has to get used to someone else’s legs. Those legs need to get acquainted with whoever’s abs the "surgeon" had attached. I appreciated the moments Zoe had with the new Kyle before the truth would be revealed. I loved how she tried to communicate her feelings and convey an explanation to an animalistic zombie. I loved it even more so when Lily Rabe’s Misty Day popped up in the backseat of her car on the drive home!

FX "American Horror Story: Coven"

That’s right, folks. Misty Day lives to see another day in the bayou, and she’s even better than we’d initially thought. I saw her surrounded by the zealots who’d burned her alive during the premiere, and I figured she was right there as one of them. In truth, she worships at the altar of Stevie Nicks. Episode 2, “Boy Parts,” actually opened with our reintroduction to Misty, who was very quick to punish some alligator poachers by oh so cleverly bringing their prey back to the world of the living. Ah, to not suffer the fate of becoming some socialite’s handbag only to chomp off the arm of the man who’d hunted you dead. #Life

Misty, having been summoned through her meditation to the morgue of Zoe and Madison’s ungodly experiment, must have been the driving force behind “reimagining” Kyle. Does this mean Satan isn't involved? What a relief! In her bayou-based home, she explained her gift and her craving to meet more girls like herself. Zoe fascinated her, yet I so appreciated that Zoe’s lack of knowledge regarding who the great Stevie Nicks is (the American Idol judge?!) was a bit of a turn-off.

In truth, I did not view Episode 2 alone, and when "Edge of Seventeen" kicked in, I kid you not, one of my viewing partners said out loud, "Bootylicious?!" Forever banished from my living room. Don't you folks worry. (By the way, call it karma. I had originally posted an accidental typo in my haste... "Age of Seventeen"... like an absolute idiot. I'm fired. Somebody please feed me an immortality potion and bury me alive. I'll thank you for it.)

Misty began healing the wounds surrounding the reattached limbs on Kyle’s new body with moss and herbs from the swamplands that had helped her heal post-death. Promising to take care of Kyle while Zoe returned to school, it seems we have a new wildcard in the entrancing Misty Day. I have to say, although Zoe’s scenes confessing her feelings to a dead or reanimated Kyle were touching, my favorite scene during Episode 2 of American Horror Story: Coven had to be the moment a traumatized and terrified Kyle cuddled up to Zoe’s limp wrist just before she left. For a moment there, I wasn’t sure if this could ever really work as a romance. Just like that, I’m sold! This is going to be a new kind of primal puppy love.

FX "American Horror Story: Coven"

To close out this week’s Recap and Review of Episode 2, it’s important to touch on another core relationship to this new season of American Horror Story. Nan (Jamie Brewer), upon hearing enough of LaLaurie’s mental whining, decided to take it upon herself to free the woman Queenie declared to be the smelliest of old ladies. With a quick clunk on the head, LaLaurie escaped Queenie’s sassy rage but found herself wandering aimlessly until she did inevitably reach her former home. A historical museum, “a house of horrors,” stood where her family once lived. It wasn’t difficult for Fiona to find her missing captive, yet the two ended up sharing more of a heart-to-heart than anything. Fiona spends her days in a perpetual state of disappointing her daughter, while LaLaurie is forced to suffer forever with the sight of her own daughters' dead faces plaguing her mind. One wants what the other has, yet a trade seems impossible. By the way, Kathy Bates, I loathe you for in any way, shape, or form making this vile woman even a smidgen likable or relatable. You are a true acting legend. I hate you.

What did you think of American Horror Story: Coven, Season 3 Episode 2, “Boy Parts”? Which relationship contains your favorite new dynamic? Are you playing favorites with these characters yet? What are your ideas and speculations regarding the voodoo vs. witchcraft war?

Thanks for reading my Recap and Review of American Horror Story: Coven, Season 3 Episode 2, “Boy Parts”!