American Horror Story: Coven - Recap: Escape to Epcot
American Horror Story: Coven continued tonight! While the rest of the coven is bound for Hell, can Zoe and Kyle escape to Epcot?
Episode 11 opened with a flashback to Delphine’s first days in New Orlean’s. Having left the beautiful streets of Paris for the hot and heavy air of the American South, LaLaurie found herself out of place and uninspired; however, this family had sailed out west with an understanding that things would be changing. For example, Delphine beheaded her first chicken, a chore previously reserved for her personal cooks. As the blood spurted from the wound, it seemed her lust for the macabre was born. Before we knew it, she was performing the first of her heinous and despicable acts on a servant who’d accidentally injured himself while working in the attic.
FX "American Horror Story"
The present portion of Episode 11 opened with Queenie’s grand return. As the rest of the coven, Kyle included, barely managed to mourn the loss of Nan, Queenie rolled up to the cemetery with none other than LaLaurie, sewn beautifully back together and kept close to Queenie thanks to a leash. At Miss Robichaux’s Academny, LaLaurie narrated us through her newly rekindled sense of sinister self. Fed up with the likes of Fiona, Marie, and the bratty girls of the coven, it seemed Delphine’s epiphany during the close of Episode 9, the moment her decapitated head broke down in tears to the soulful sound of Queenie’s music, was truly nothing at all. Let me put it this way; Madison’s un-flushed waste combined with some cumin (the spice that makes chili taste like chili) seemed to make for a tasty poop soup, at least by Myrtle’s standards. (I hate myself for writing that!) This woman was dead set on reconnecting with her sense of aristocracy, the same attitude of entitlement that inevitably drove her to create her infamous Chamber of Horrors. By the time an African American gardener entered the kitchen with an unfortunate gash in his hand, it was as though there was no stopping her. Delphine is like an immortal, racist great white shark. A drop of human blood drives her into a frenzy, and before long, she was “tending” to the man’s wound from the privacy of Spalding’s (Denis O’Hare) attic dollhouse. Funny enough, Spalding watched on in spirit the entire time, only revealing his presence after she’d finished creating her “art.” It seemed Spalding and Delphine had a similar goal in common.
Here's my theory on Delphine LaLaurie. As much as she's been a pleasure to watch all season long, most likely thanks to the embodiment of talent that is Kathy Bates, I'm not sure American Horror Story: Coven could ever really get away with entirely glorifying and redeeming an actual historical figure of horror from America's past.
FX "American Horror Story"
FX "American Horror Story"
It’s super sad when your day begins with another lackluster funeral at breakfast and continues with you casually researching the true nature of the death of your buddy by lunchtime. Just ask Zoe and Kyle! It’s become customary on American Horror Story: Coven. Nobody dies by falling in a tub. They’ve all murdered each other at this point! Some stirring around in the waters of the bathtub that had once held Nan’s lifeless body eventually drew forth the images of Fiona and Marie, much to Zoe’s dismay. That isn’t to say that Zoe didn’t expect any of this. It was almost as though she merely did the spell used to discover the truth as a final piece of evidence to solidify yet another case of selfish murder under their roof. By the time the couple left the bathroom, a beyond apathetic Madison in tow, conversation had already turned to whether or not Kyle would like a blowjob from the starlet in his off time from Zoe. Nan, death is a gift. Enjoy your time with Papa Legba, seriously. The answer to the oral question (oral as in "oral sex," not "spoken aloud.") was a resounding “NOOO!” aka Kyle’s signature caveman catchphrase. Before we knew it, objects were swirling around the bedroom left and right, as the two-time Teen Choice Award winner didn’t seem to take the former frat boy's rejection very well. Luckily, Myrtle appeared just in time to squash the entire ordeal, declaring Madison a “Hollywood cliché,” dismissing her cockiness and disrespect as mere pathetic pettiness. Madison, lighting up a cig, promised to tear Kyle apart. She’d been the one to put him back together to begin with. Which do you think would be more fun for Madison Montgomery?Welcome to the revolution, Carrot Top!FX "American Horror Story"
Cordelia’s attempts to make Queenie feel welcome again fell on deaf ears. Queenie currently feels like she has no place. Marie left her for dead and seems to feel no remorse about it. Delia, on the other hand, was quick to reassign Queenie’s bed to Misty. The chip on Queenie’s shoulder seemed to be the last straw for Delia, who quickly took to her greenhouse in order to whip up another concoction in a desperate attempt to restore her sight. Failure after failure only served to frustrate and anger her more, as her confidence continued to dwindle. In the end, Delia made the ultimate sacrifice in order to protect the coven… She gouged her own eyes out with a pair of gardening shears. Later, Fiona frantically ran to the doorway of her bedroom, only to be greeted by Myrtle, who’d graciously taken care of the woman she’d raised as her own daughter. Realizing that the possible return of Delia’s gift of sight could mean the ultimate exposure of her darkest secrets, most of which had been accumulated over, like, the past few weeks, Fiona thought twice about checking in on her daughter, choosing instead to nurse another drink in the parlor.
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Man, I love the Axeman (Danny Huston)! If this show is going to operate with only two main male cast members, it was an awesome idea to include Danny Huston as this jazz-loving, smooth psychopath. The way he woos Fiona during their days together at his stolen apartment is perfect, and I even believe her when she agreed to run away with him to a quiet normal life. Well, of course, after the two had finished completely obliterating the coven and securing Fiona’s role as the Supreme. Fiona and Marie, on the other hand, are another kind of dynamic and dastardly duo, and most of their screen time this week was dedicated to confronting the Delphi witch hunters in person. I’m not going to lie. I found it pretty ridiculous that these witch hunters seriously thought guns could match the firepower of a Supreme witch and a voodoo queen. Still, the meeting that took place in an office conference room went smoothly enough to begin with. I think my largest chuckle this week had to be Marie’s decision to go with a Sprite versus Fiona’s “filthy” martini, both of whom didn’t even flinch at all during this attempt at negotiating. It all seemed fairly simple to me. Why hadn’t these witches taken care of this business years prior? Harrison Renard (Michael Cristofer) offered a laughable hundred years of peace. Marie requested a jet. Fiona requested a house. No matter, needless to say, because the Axeman, posing a waiter, wielded his weapon like no other, chopping the men to pieces, leaving only Renard alive. He attempted to play it cool, sipping on coffee and maintaining his demeanor, but an axe in the throat is an axe in the throat. I was happy that the Axeman let his lady handle that final kill while Marie snapped pics for Instagram on her phone. That was that. No biggie, huh? For all the stress these witch hunters caused, they certainly didn’t deliver anything in the end. Fiona wastes more energy snuffing out a cigarette.
Back at the academy, Fiona and Marie clinked their glasses and continued to celebrate their incredible new friendship. They’re a match made in Hell, these two, but are they any match for Delphine LaLaurie? Spalding had made a trade with LaLaurie. In exchange for a rare doll from 1895, complete with its original dress and certificate of authenticity, Spalding handed over the most powerful magical weapon of all… a pack of Benadryl. Marie is, indeed, immortal, but according to the spirit of Spalding, a heavy dosage of this special enchanted pill would render her vulnerable for a mere moment. Of course, when Delphine inevitably did drive a massive kitchen knife through Marie’s chest after drugging her drink, much to her annoyance, the truth became clear as crystal. Luckily, Spalding was still floating around to help, flinging Marie down the stairs and knocking her unconscious. If Marie could lock Delphine away forever, why couldn’t the same be done to her? Spalding’s arc during Episode 11 closed with him obtaining the baby that Marie had previously snatched for Papa Legba, finally finding the “living doll” he’d always wanted. Well, living doll, considering what the alternative was, do we think you lucked out?
To close the recap of Episode 11, I can’t even begin to describe the final conversation between Zoe and Myrtle. Myrtle, realizing that the coven was in shambles and that its girls were dropping like flies, gifted Zoe with her prized possession for hocking, a Topaz Harvester Ant that Zoe could never actually pull of wearing. Plus, she also made out with two tickets to Epcot! Impressed and touched by the love Zoe had found with Kyle, Myrtle pleaded with her to fly the coven coop and head for Orlando. She recalled her days of love with Egon Von Fürstenberg, a man she happily let go considering the fact that he surely inspired future wife Diane’s incredibly important modern invention of the wrap dress. I’m guessing the true love story is that between Myrtle and the wrap dress.
In the end, it took some convincing, but Zoe managed to get Kyle on board. I’m glad American Horror Story: Coven gave us a decent love scene between these two. I enjoyed the conversation they had here in which Kyle admitted to fearing his potential to harm Zoe or someone else, and Zoe’s adamancy in her loving support for him. Episode 11 closed with the happy supernatural couple running for the bus to Orlando, and no, Madison didn’t flip it. The Internet is ablaze with fans who saw the potential of a full-circle bus flip situation.
By the way, I believe I’m posting an article in the afternoon/ evening on why each witch could/ would be the next Supreme. Be sure to circle back and check it out if you’d like! Just to give a little taste; I’m thinking there could be a twist in Queenie actually being the next Supreme. If you recall, she’s known to be a descendant of Tituba, the original voodoo practitioner who passed the secrets on to the witches of Salem. Tituba was, if you remember, never found. Could Queenie be Tituba? Or could the known descendant of Tituba be the one to officially link the world of voodoo with the coven to end Season 3 on a positive note of feminism as opposed to all of this girl-on-girl envy and hate that’s been flying around?
What did you think of American Horror Story: Coven Season 3 Episode 11, “Protect the Coven”? Will Queenie come around? Is there any way Delphine can return to our good graces after this week’s massive slip? Will Delia have “the sight” again? Would you have gone to Epcot?
Thanks for reading my Recap and Review of American Horror Story: Coven Season 3 Episode 11, “Protect the Coven”!