AI 10: American Idle

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(original unchyroned photo courtesy Dan Johnson)

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So, I'm sitting at work eating my lunch when the subject of Idol popped in my head. It's unusual, because from Thursday after Rickey's "Secret Show Gone Wild" until the following Wednesday at 8, Idol is rarely on my mind, save for a few articles I might read over the weekend.

But something irritated me. Bear with me as I stream-of-consciously ramble on.

First things first – I’ve really got to halt the habit of grading the Idols before absorbing, as a whole, the performance nights. Grades are important to me, and flippantly dispersed – whether finite or not – isn’t conducive to any point or purpose, and altering the grades the next day might seem dubious. So, I’ll stick to the original grades I gave last Wednesday, however reluctantly. Yes, technically, I could shave a notch off each here or there (especially with Durbin and Alaina), but as I posted that evening, no one passed (and, as I also said, a ‘B’ is hardly a grade to sing about, no pun intended) and it's not worth pondering such subpar recitals anyway.

Second things second – I know. What’s the point, really?

Is it worth attempting to fathom Idol this season anymore? I mean, in the scheme of things, Idol is merely pop culture. And, pop culture, even at its most vacant, is still just pop culture. And if we're honest, Idol - which defined pop culture for years - is just as vacant.

Frustratingly, it was at almost this same point during last year’s remaining Top 7 of the WORST SINCE FIRST where I just couldn’t muster an iota of a scintilla of a fraction of care any longer and abruptly just…stopped. It might be time again.

The ouster of Pia Toscano two weeks ago was fodder for an all-out assault on the integrity of the show!!! A fiasco unlike anything Idol’s ever seen!!! (Not really - I've often said that hyperbole is a fool's tool, and so it is). I already wrote my musings on the subject HERE, so I won't reiterate my feelings about such overt over-the-top emotional output of the public regarding such (except only to add that Toscano's elimination is not - in any way, shape or form - as outrageous as past Idol sins as, say Jasmine Trias making it to Top 3 in season 3 in lieu of LaToya London (or anyone, really), or the astonishing Allison Iraheta getting bumped after 4th place for the ghastly Danny Gokey, or Melinda Doolittle actually not winning season 6. I know there are plenty more examples, but these three are the first to pop up in my head).

I’ve said in past years that Idol is the world’s most expensive, elaborate popularity contest, and this season is no different on that front.

What is different is the judging panel – and what is justifiable it is the amplitude of the public assault toward Jennifer, Randy and Steven and their “everything is beautiful” mantras.

But you never would have noticed that during last week’s performance show. The lovefest was at its most consistently magical. And totally inept - as if Jackson, Lopez and especially Tyler all live in a golden-laced, palatial bubble, unaware of the town criers shouting "off with their heads!" Is it possible that they’ve not heard the tumult? Is it feasible that the disdain and scorn they’ve received from a viewership sick of the lies of the machine simply evaporated into thin air before ever reaching their ears?

Well, no, not really. At one point in the evening, Jennifer pointedly said, “You know, everybody wants us to be tough with you guys, but the truth is, you're all so damn good!” So, yes, our derision is penetrating their thorny crowns and is trickling into their thick skulls. It’s also falling out their ears in a blatant disregard to actual criticism aimed at them.

It is fair to point out that, in the past half-decade or so of Idol, the denizens of the judges table (including Simon) rarely made any differences; has any judge had any influence on the voting public since season 4? While in theory, Idol is about finding the next superstar with the guidance of the panel, in reality, for the viewers, it’s purely a weekly pep rally to support their favorite team, no matter how embarrassing or abysmal the performances, no matter how obvious the assault on the senses. Call Idol the Musical Mets.

I’ll agree heartily that Simon’s absence is palpable. We sat on the edge of our sofa’s waiting his assessment, and we cheered or booed in affirmation or dissent his final word. But lest anyone believe otherwise, Cowell hasn’t made a ‘constructive’ critique – one point of ridicule that this year’s panel is receiving – in years. If ever. He merely gleefully blurted his opinion, and that was that (and, come on. He was phoning his analysis in during the whole of last season).

One might also suggest that for all his self-righteousness, we can blame Simon for a parade of Idol hacks and horrors. His initial appraisal and support for the most repugnant of vocalists (e.g. Ryan Star, Justin Guarini etc., fast-forwarding to Sanjaya Malakar to Kristy Lee Cool to Danny Gokey to Scott McIntyre to Sanjaya Malakar (yeah, I said it twice) to Katy Stevens to Lee DeWyze to a host of too-numerous-to-continue-listing-here musical pollutants) displayed his lack of the most fundamental understanding of what America considers viable pop stars that allowed him to push forward an agenda that was head-scratching at best, brain-atrophying at worst. See last year's winner if you care to disagree (do you even remember - or want to - last year's winner?)

Even so, it’s that Cowellian brute candor that is desperately needed this season. The very recent Idol backlash and its copious coverage in the blogosphere, by the Idol experts, in the magazine and newspaper reporting - that the judges lack a capacity to be critical - was shouted by me BACK IN EARLY MARCH, going so far as to say "I proposed a drinking game on twitter last night, and it could be fun: every time Tyler says “…that was beautiful…”, specifically after an otherwise dismal performance, we should all take a swig..."

Simon, above all, bridged a gap between reality and the surreal, whether you agreed, or agreed to disagree. There's none of that this year. Tyler is a monumental embarrassment. Lopez might be "constructive" with her critique, but she merely finds new ways of praising our contestants within that critique. Jackson, who started the season as (his wishful thinking) heir-apparent to Cowell - insomuch that he called someone out on their lack of skill - has since toed the line (as he has for a decade, really), merely echoing, for the most part,his compatriot's insipidness.

I don't even know where I'm going with this post - I could rant ad nauseum. Apparently, I have.

I'll end with this personal inquiry - can I aggregate enough discipline, care, intestinal fortitude - or even a modicum of want - to continue writing this Report Card for the next few weeks?

It's a question only I could answer, I know. And to overuse an already overused cliche, only time will tell.