A Rather Longish Roundabout Essay

I have a few thoughts on today, my 34th birthday.

First of all, in 13 days, my older sister will have her 35th birthday. This means that for the next 13 days we will both be 34. As a child I found this a bit confusing since no one told me that it only takes 9 months to make a baby. So less than 3 months after my sister was born, my parents were at it again, and then there was me. Had they done it at a different time, it could have been somebody else. Yay for me!

Secondly, I've been thinking about this for a couple of days, but I think its quite illogical to dread getting old. "Oh no, I'm getting older. Blah, blah." I've been guilty of this many times. And everyone seems to shake their head or be embarrassed that they are not as young as before. For me, I always say that my best age was 6 (still true), and then it all went downhill from there (probably not true). But why is that? Is it because aging brings us closer to death? At 34??? Or that you're farther away from the age of being carefree and with no responsibility? At 34??? I don't know. I think its probably time for me to rethink things.

My mood was dampened a little bit tonight because a gang here in Spanish Harlem comprised mostly of boys and girls in their teens and early 20s called the Latin Kings (or is it the Bloods?) just had a death, and they had a vigil in front of our building doing their gang chants. I personally think its all a waste -- the kid probably died in the name of the gang, and now is a symbol of gang struggle. He probably was a person and not just a gang member, but ultimately, that's all he has amounted to in his short life. So what does that have to do with my birthday? Well, quite frankly, he's now gone (just like Ford, Brown, Hussein, the 3000th American soldier, etc.), while I've just completed another year of this little project of mine called living. Given that perspective, being alive to get old is not bad at all. Some of us have a tougher time living than others, and some even live lives that don't mean anything, so I think that knowing how I've been able meet all challenges, and be around to write this makes me happy to turn 34.

Thirdly, yesterday, I had a phone conversation with one of the obscure Filipino stars I keep track of in my Pinoy blog. I thought that was a neat birthday treat. When I started doing my "celebrity" blogging, I didn't rationalize it before, but now I know why I was quite motivated. I wanted to make enough noise so that these very people I blog about will notice me. Ha! Although I still have not met Fantasia Barrino in person, over the past couple of years thanks to a lot of help from you, I have come in contact with some people that I rant and rave about. So I guess, I've done some good things for myself, particularly in the past two years as an "older person".

Finally, thanks again for all the support. To those who have told me that they look forward to this blog everyday, well, I look forward to it too. Thank you.

I am quite happy to be alive, and look forward to next year when I write an essay about turning 35. Happy birthday!

Wishlist at Amazon.com